||All right, get off at the next exit.
||Kramer, I've driven to east Hampton many times, I know the exit.
||It's a great house, pool, sun deck? Yeah, I'll be there.
||(To Elaine) You sure we're makin' the right move?
||We gotta see the new baby anyway, at least we'll get a weekend in the Hamptons out of it.
||Didn't they just have a baby?
||That was two years ago, remember? 'Jeh-Ree, you gotta see the Bay-Bee! You gotta see the Bay-Bee!'
||Is it possible they're just having babies to get people to visit them?
||Hey Jerry, you ever wear silk underwear?
||Put that on the top of your list.
||No, not for me. A little too delightful. Well, George and Jane should be almost there by now.
||Oh, isn't that weird that George and Jane haven't had sex yet, but they're spending a weekend together?
||I know, George is pretty pleased about it. It's like she signed a letter of intent.
||When's Rachel comin' out?
||She's makin' the three o'clock train.
||Her father is so religious, I'm just amazed that he's letting you see her again after that Schindler's List make-out session.
||I bought him some kishka.
||It's kind of a stuffed meat thing. Israeli soldiers carry it. In case they're captured behind enemy lines, they eat it and it kills them.
||I never tasted a cough medicine I didn't love.
||Me too. I love cough medicine.
||You see? We were made for each other. (Thinking to himself) It's amazing. If I reach out and touch her breast right not, she'd scream and throw me out of the car. But at this time tomorrow, I could touch it all I want.
||What's your favorite?
||Potussan. Ever try it with club soda?
||Oh, very refreshing. (Thinking again) Sex is like joining a private club. I'll be the same me tomorrow, but suddenly, the no trespassing sign will be gone.
||Are we almost there?
||Yeah, about ten, fifteen minutes. But I have to stop at a vegetable stand.
||My mother loves Hampton tomatoes. She's nuts for Hampton tomatoes.
||Can you buy 'em later? I really wanna get some... sun.
||Hey Jerry. Rub some lotion on my back.
||Who are you, Mrs. Robinson?
||Come on, I'll rub some on yours.
||No, that's no sweet'ning the deal. No.
||(To Jane) You know, when I was a kid, I once found a dollar and fifty cents in change on the bottom of the pool.
||(No feeling in her voice) You must've been excited.
||Yeah. Hey, you know, I gotta go get these tomatoes. You wanna go for a ride?
||I don't think so.
||'Kay. I'll uh, I'll see you later. Anybody want some tomatoes?
||No. (George leaves for the tomatoes)
||I'm gonna take a dip. (She leaves for beach, Elaine enters with a shady hat on)
||And then there's Maude. (She sits down next to Jerry)
||Look at my face, look at it. You see any lines?
||You know why? One word shade.
||So when are we gonna see this baby? When is the momentous event?
||I don't know. They're takin' a nap or something.
||I'm gonna go see if there are any girls on the beach. Elaine, you wanna come?
||(Sarcastic) No thanks. I got plenty of girlfriends.
||(Looking toward beach) Oh this is interesting.
||Jane's topless. (They all look)
||Yo yo ma.
||Nice rack. (Carol and Michael inside open back door)
||Come on, you guys. You can come and see the bay-bee!
||Oh, in a minute, Carol.
||We're gonna be right there.
||This is weird wild stuff. George hasn't even seen her yet.
||Why do you think we're getting the sneak preview?
||Maybe she's trying to create a buzz.
||You know, get some good word of mouth goin'.
||Oh, here she comes. (They pretend to not have watched as Jane enters)
||I'm thirsty. Anyone want a drink?
||Deh-deh-deh-deh- (Jane exits) All right, show's over. I'm goin' to the beach.
||Adam (the baby's name), Jerry and Elaine are here.
||Oh, he's a cute little shnugly baby.
||Isn't he gorgeous? (Elaine looks at baby, only to be frightened and turn away)
||Is she gorgeous? (Elaine and Jerry looking away)
||Oh, gorgeous, yes.
||So very gorgeous.
||Michael, shut the door! You're letting bugs in.
||Is it me or was that the ugliest baby you have ever seen?
||Uh, I couldn't look. It was like the Pekinese.
||Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool. (They sit) And, you know, the thing is, they're never gonna know, no one's ever gonna tell them.
||Oh, you have to lie.
||It's a must lie situation.
||Yes, it's a must lie situation.
||You know, I don't think we should tell George we saw Jane topless.
||No, I don't think so.
||In fact remind me to tell Kramer too.
||Oh this ointment should do it.
||How are you feeling, Adam? (She sees Elaine in the hall) Elaine! (Elaine enters) This is our pediatrician, Ben Feffa.
||Look at him, Elaine. How gorgeous is he? I ask you, how gorgeous?
||(Looking at Ben) Pretty gorgeous.
||Elaine, you have children?
||Me? Oh no, but I'd love to have a baby, I mean, I can't wait to have a baby. I'm just dyin' to have a baby.
||A beautiful woman like you should. You're quite breathtaking.
||Breathtaking? I'm breathtaking?
||And he's very particular. Ben, you're staying tonight, right?
||Uh, Sure. (Elaine celebrates to herself as Jerry enters and quickly looks away from the baby)
||Ah, I'm gonna go pick up Rachel at the station.
||Yeah, see ya.
||Okay. (He leaves)
||Oh, just look at him!
||Yeah, he really is breathtaking. (Elaine confused by his comment)
||Train was so crowded. I had to sit in the seat facing the wrong way.
||Oh I like that. It's like going back in time. (George comes outside)
||(Quickly gets out of seat) Hi. I'm gonna go in there to change.
||What kind of a greeting was that?
||She's got greeting problems.
||Yeah. I love Hampton tomatoes. You know, you can eat 'em like apples. You know it's funny, the tomato never really took on as a hand fruit.
||Well, the tomato's an anomaly. So successful with the ketchup and the sauce, but you can't find a good one. (Kramer enters with a box of lobster)
||Hey, hey, hey! Look at what I got!
||Hey! Wow, the K-Man! (They walk into the kitchen inside)
||You got lobster for everybody?
||Yeah, and they're fresh! Right out of the ocean.
||This is fantastic. Man, what a weekend. Swimming, lobster for dinner...
||I know, it's great. And I saw Jane topless. (Jerry shows that 'damn' expression behind George)
||You saw who, what?
||Yeah, I saw Jane topless. Well, we all saw her.
||(Jerry realizes the situation is hopeless) All right.
||You saw Jane topless?
||Well, when you went for the tomatoes she lied out topless.
||Oh you mean face down on her chest.
||Face up on her back?
||Well why'd she do that?
||I guess she was hot.
||You mean she just laid there topless?
||No, no, she got up, she walked around...
||Walked around? And you looked?
||Of course. She's got a great body, buddy. All right, I'm gonna go upstairs, I'll be right back.
||I can't believe that you saw her before me.
||Think of me as a doctor. (They go outside again)
||Well, how good a look did you get?
||Well what'd you mean?
||Well, if she was a criminal and you had to describe her to a police sketch artist...
||They'd pick her up in about ten minutes.
||Great, great. So anytime you want you can just visualize her naked.
||(looking of into the distance) I guess that's true...
||Stop it, stop it! It's not fair. It's not fair. I don't like this situation, Jerry. I don't like it one bit.
||What do you want me to do? You wanna see Rachel naked?
||Yes, yes! The punishment should fit the crime.
||You can see me naked. I can offer you that.
||It's like I'm Neil Armstrong. I turn around for a sip of Tang and you jump out first.
||Nobody ever called me breathtaking before.
||I've never been called breathtaking either.
||I mean, if he thinks that that baby's breathtaking, then who's not breathtaking?
||Maybe he just said it because the mother was in the room.
||Yeah, right, that's a possibility. I have to find out.
||How are you gonna do that?
||I can be very clever.
||I'm gonna take a swim.
||Oh, me too. I'll meet you down. (She goes in the hall and sees George) Oh, don't go in, Rachel's getting undressed.
||Oh, okay. (Starts to walk other way and then walks to their room and goes in)
||Don't you knock?
||I'm sorry, uh, it's not like I'm gonna see something I've never seen before.
||You might have.
||What'd you want anyway, George?
||Yes, George. I'm kind of wondering myself. What is it what you want?
||No, I was just wondering... if you guys, uh, had any gum.
||Oh! So you were swimming in the pool, and you wanted some gum.
||Yes, because the water was cold... and the chewing warms me up.
||We don't have any gum.
||Okay. (Chewing) Thanks anyway. (Continues to chew as he exits)
||Wait'll you get to know him.
||So where is this baby, anyway?
||Oh, check it out. I guarantee you've never seen anything quite so objectionable. It's down the hall, third door on your left. (Rachel walks down hall, walks in on George changing out of his swimsuit)
||(She screams) Oh my God! I'm sorry, I thought this was the baby's room. I'm really sorry. (She exits)
||(realizing he was short changed) I was in the pool! I was in the pool!
||Did she do it on purpose?
||It was my fault, I told her the wrong door.
||I was supposed to see her. She wasn't supposed to see me.
||Well ordinarily I wouldn't mind. But...
||Well I just got back from swimming in the pool. And the water was cold...
||Oh... You mean... shrinkage.
||Yes. Significant shrinkage.
||So you feel you were short changed.
||Yes! I mean, if she thinks that's me she's under a complete misapprehension. That was not me, Jerry. That was not me.
||Well, so what's the difference?
||What if she discusses it with Jane?
||Oh, she's not gonna tell Jane.
||How do you know?
||Women aren't like us.
||They're worse! They're much worse than us, they talk about everything! Couldn't you at least tell her about the shrinkage factor?
||No, I'm not gonna tell her about your shrinkage. Besides, I think women know about shrinkage.
||How do women know about shrinkage?
||Isn't it common knowledge?
||(Elaine walking down the hall they notice her and wave her into the room) Elaine! Get! (She enters)
||Do women know about shrinkage?
||What do you mean, like laundry?
||Like when a man goes swimming... afterwards...
||Like a frightened turtle!
||Why does it shrink?
||It just does.
||I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.
||Thanks for the lobster, Kramer.
||Rachel, aren't you gonna have any?
||Oh, no, I can't. I'm kosher, we don't eat shellfish.
||You mean you've never tasted lobster?
||Wow. You're so pious. I really respect that. You know when you die, you're gonna get some special attention.
||Oh, the baby's crying. I'll go get him. He can sit with us.
||No, you don't wanna do that. You'll be uncomfortable.
||Yeah, finish eating. The baby's not gonna have any fun over here. We're-We're not fun for a baby.
||Yeah, the lobster'll scare him.
||I'm gonna get him.
||See, look at this. (wearing a very tight shirt) Rachel, my T-shirt shrunk. It used to be much bigger, and now it shrunk. You see, that's what water does. It shrinks things.
||Really? Tell us more, Mr. Science. (Rachel whispers in Jane's ear, which prompts Jane to laugh)
||What're you doing? What're you, telling secrets? What're you laughing at?
||It's nothing, George.
||You know, it's very impolite to tell secrets. Are you talking about me?
||What is it with you?
||(To George) Easy big fella.
||So Kramer, where'd you get all these lobster, at the Fleesher's Market?
||No, I got 'em in the ocean.
||The ocean? What'd you mean?
||Well, I found this rope and I kept tugging on it, and all these lobsters came up.
||Those are commercial lobster traps. You can't take those lobsters from there. That's against the law.
||Take it easy. There's plenty of lobsters in the ocean for everyone.
||My father was a lobsterman. He got up every morning at four and came home every night stinking of brine! He sent me through law school with the lobsters he caught! (Kramer stands up from table)
||(Entering with baby) Here he is.
||Ahhh! (Shocked after seeing the baby)
||Some night, huh?
||Yeah, I wish I had my telescope.
||Some dinner, huh?
||Nothing like fresh caught lobster.
||Some house, huh?
||It was built by Mark Fargman. He build a lot of these homes here.
||Some ugly baby, huh?
||What did you say?
||(improvising) I said, uh, some snuggly baby.
||He is something.
||Well, to tell you the truth, Dr. Feffa, I , I was surprised to hear you use a word like breathtaking to describe a baby, I mean, because you also used it referring to me.
||Well, you know Elaine, sometimes you say things just to be nice. (Elaine relieved, then confused, not knowing if he was being nice to her or to the baby)
||You told her?
||Yeah, what's the big deal?
||You don't understand. This organ, it's very... schizophrenic.
||Jerry, what the difference? You know, you're the ones obsessed with this stuff, not us. I'm sure it wouldn't matter to Jane.
||You're going back to New York now?
||Yeah, I have some things to do.
||Uh huh. Uh huh! I think you spoke to your little friend Rachel, that's what I think.
||So what if I did?
||And she didn't say something to you about a certain something?
||I don't know what you're talking about.
||*I* think that *you* think that a certain *something* is not all that it could be, when in fact it is is all that it *should* be, and *more*!
||(patronizing George) I'm sure it is.
||Look, you don't understand. There was shrinkage.
||You looking for this? (Holding up lobster)
||Oh, Kramer! You startled me.
||Well, I thought you might wind up around here.
||Yeah, well, I couldn't stop thinking about how everyone was enjoying the lobster so much an' well I thought I little taste wouldn't hurt, huh?
||No I'm afraid I couldn't do that.
||Well, that wouldn't be kosher.
||C'mon, Kramer. I really want to try it.
||Nah, I'm sorry, honey. Not on my watch.
||Come on, Kramer.
||I just heard a car drive out. What was that?
||Oh, that's just Jane driving home to New York in the middle of the night. (Rachel shocked)
||George, thanks so much for making breakfast.
||George, these are the best scrambled eggs I've ever tasted.
||Ya I didn't know you could cook.
||Well, I'm just expressing my gratitude to our gracious host.
||Yes, George, the whole breakfast is breathtaking. (hearing this Elaine looks at him extremely annoyed)
||Hey, hey. Morning
||Kramer, I just want to thank you again for last night, you really saved me.
||Well, I almost tried the lobster, but Kramer stopped me.
||Well I knew you'd regret it for the rest of your life.
||You're right, I would have.
||(Referring to George) Hey, look at this guy.
||A little breakfast.
||(To Rachel) And, uh, you eat eggs, right?
||Yes, I do. Thank you.
||Geez, these are delicious. Where did you learn to make eggs like this?
||Umm... This is so good.
||Ah, enjoying them?
||Uh, good. You know, you might wanna try eating it with one of these. (Holds up lobster bib)
||There's lobster in these eggs?
||Not that much. You know, they tend to shrink in the water.
||Well, I guess I gotta go, too.
||Well, this has turned out to be one *helluva* weekend. (Policeman knocks on door, Michael answers)
||I'm sorry to bother you, but we're trying to track down a lobster poacher that uh cleaned out on of the traps.
||Wonder what's goin' on.
||Ah, I guess I should go up and apologize.
||There he is, officer. (Michael points to Kramer, Kramer waves to policeman)
||Ahh! Don't you ever knock?
||I don't know why Rachel had to drive back with Michael and Carol.
||Hey, if you saw me naked, I wouldn't want to ride back in the same car with you either.
||I still can't believe Michael finked on Kramer.
||How is he gonna pay off a thousand dollar fine?
||They got some sort of program.
||Hey, there's a tomato stand, let's stop, I can get some more.
||Hey, isn't that Michael's car?
||Where? (He looks out window and gets hit by a tomato)