||Jerry it's funny, Paula and I actually met because of Elaine.
||Elaine is in my drawing class at the new school
||..And I went down there one time to see...
||(cuts in) A nude model.
||If Elaine wanted to get some coffee.
||You know I went out once with a nude model. Never let me see her naked. Hundreds of people see her naked every week, except me. Needless to say it was quite vexing.
||Are you through?
||So Anyway, I started to compliment Elaine on her sketches and it turns out,they're Paula's.
||George, I just like to doodle
||Oh! Dropped a napkin...(Whispers) Jerry!
||What are you doing?...She had those nuts in her mouth, she just spit them out.
||(spits the nut) OooH!!! You. you ate these? You sucked on these and put them on the plate?
||Well I didn't know you were gonna eat them?
||I'm sorry you find me so repulsive?
||No ,no I don't, I mean, Don't be silly..
||Well, hem ,if you'll excuse me I think I'll just go to the ladies room.
||I'll join you.
||Oh! man did you see that. I ate discarded food.
||Well I've done that.
||Yeah, but with you it's intentional.
||Haven't you kissed her?
||Yeah, but this is different , this is like ,you know, semi digested food stuff. You know the next stop is the stomach and you can take it from there.
||Excuse me just for a second. ( fixes his hair looking at his reflection in a coffee pot.)
||AH. Yes that's gonna make a big difference.
||This is dating , you can't leave anything to chance.
||Hey ,You think that Shelly's upset that I made such a big deal about the pecan.
||Hehummm , Yeah!
||Well Jerry , I guess we should get going .
||Well, it was very nice meeting you Shelly and Jerry be careful, there's a lot of nuts out there. (to Paula) All right you have everything?
||Can you grab my purse.
||Yeah.( reaches for the purse and finds a piece of paper . he looks annoyed.
||Don't you see what this is?
||Yeah! It's a doodle.
||Yeah!, a doodle of me...look at the size of the nose , the ears, all my features are distorted.
||Oh!.It's an affectionate caricature.
||I'm grotesque . I look like a troll.
||It's just a drawing.
||Don't you see what this says? How can you possibly like somebody ,if you think they look like this?
||(gets up to leave the table) HELLO!!! (angrily)
||What is with him?
||So, you know what? My friend Judy recommended me for a job at Viking Press.
||Good for you
||Yeah! But get this. Viking has a deal with the Plaza Hotel, they got a two bedroom suite, there, for out-of-town clients...So guess what I did?
||Oh! Come on, you told them you're from out-of-town just so you could stay in a hotel room.
||I know, I know Jerry.. but it's The Plazaaa... I've never stayed there .It'll be like a little vacation
||Well be sure to catch a Broadway show while you're in town.
||( laughs)Listen, I've used your parents address in Florida.
||Oh! There coming to town tomorrow by the way.
||Hey. What's this.?.
||What is it ..A drawing of Mr. Magoo
||No ,it's George ( Elaine laughs heartily)
||You enjoying yourself? (More laughs from Elaine)
||You see. You see! Listen when is your next drawing class?
||All right, I want you to do me a favor.
||I want you to find out is she likes me.
||Find out if likes you?. What, are you in High School?...George come on can't you just talk to her yourself?
||But she's gonna know that I like her more than she likes me.
||You know my parents are coming in and I got some clean up to do , so if you and Potsie are done scheming....
||Well, they're in...
||The MACANAW PEACHES ,Jerry , the MACANAW PEACHES!!!!
||Aah! .. right. The ones from Oregon that are only ripe for two weeks a year..
||Yeah Yeah I split a case with Newman..I waited all year for this.. Oooh this is fantastic.. Makes your taste buds come alive....It's like having a circus in your mouth.....Take a taste
||Nah, I don't wanna
||Come on ,Just take a taste
||I don't want it..
||Come on JUST TASTE!!!
||I DON'T WANT IT ....
||HE..YA. AYA. AYYYYYAAAAA!!!!
||I am not gonna taste your peach. I ate some one's pecan last night, I'm not gonna eat your peach.
||Jerry , this is a miracle of nature that exists for a brief period. It's like the Aurora Borealis.
||..What is this?
||Yeah! I think I got flea bites.
||Look at this, my ankle's all bitten up.
||You got a dog?
||Well, that is strange.
||How could I have fleas?
||Don't sweat it buddy...I used to have fleas.
||What did you do about them?
||What do you mean?...
||Hey guys . Jerry . Kramer
||Hi Jerry......What's wrong?
||Jerry, I'm your mother, now what is it?
||Mom, Dad.....I have fleas..
||Hey Paula!.. I hear you been going out with George Costanza?
||How did you know??
||Everybody knows. y'know George told me he thinks you're totally cute and everything.
||He said that?
||Ha hum...Do you like George?
||Yeaaah! he's cool.
||No I mean...Do you like him or do you like him like him?
||Like like.. looks aren't important to me ,you know?
||Miss Benes , Are you chewing gum?
||Yep!...In your bedroom too Mr. Seinfeld. You've got a full outbreak of fleas on your hands.
||I don't get this. How did this happen. I don't have a dog.
||I don't explain 'em Mr. Seinfeld. I just exterminate them.
||I don't understand this..
||I 'm gonna have to seal the place up for 48 hours and fog it. That's the only way to get rid of them.
||Nobody can be in here for 48 hours, I got my parents in town.
||Well , unless you want to kill them. They can't stay in here. This stuff is pretty toxic. I'll go get my stuff, it's in the truck.
||Why do you have a bug guy?
||I have fleas.
||Argh.. Fleas ( strikes the purse she just deposited on the couch) How did you get fleas?
||I don't know...But every one's got to clear out of the apartment for two days. I don't know what I'm gonna do with my parents. they'll never let me pay for a hotel and if they go to someplace on their own I'm sure it's gonna be some awful dump. Wait a second.. Have you checked in The Plaza yet?
||Well what about you. Where you gonna stay?
||I dunno , I'm gonna ask Shelley ,but she still might be upset from the masticated pecan incident.
||Hey!! I found out from Paula; She likes George. I'll bet he'll be relieved.
||Yeah.. When he's dead he'll be relieved... Oh by the way Viking Press sent a Fedex for you to my parents. They brought it with 'em.
||Yeah that's just some stuff about the company.
||Hum..( to Elaine) Hey! did you talk to Paula?
||So what did she say?
||She said she liked me. No kiddin' she said that?
||Those were her exact words, I like George.
||Ha Haaaaaaa... Jerry how do you like that.You see I get myself in a dizzy, I'm all worked up and for what?
||In fact she said that looks aren't even that important to her...
||She said looks aren't important to her?
||Well..hum...let me rephrase that, She said....
||She thinks I'm ugly. I knew it.
||You see the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around, but they don't know they're ugly, because nobody actually tells them.
||.....So what's your point?
||Okay.. The point , George, is she likes you.
||Oh!, so what. I'd rather she hate me and thought I was good looking....At least I can get somebody else. (scratching his chest) What is this? Why am I itching?
||That'd be the fleas.
||Hey! I do you like this? Huh, huh!
||Oh! my god, Morty lets go, this is too nice.
||Hey! This is the kind of room Sinatra stays in. Hey! look , Macadamian nuts.
||Hey! You know what these cost, they're like 80 cents a nut.
||Jerry, are you sure this all right?
||Yeah! it's all taken care of.
||( from the other room) Hey!!! They got a phone in the john here.
||Hi, Thank you so much for recommending me to Viking Press .
||It is my pleasure , just make sure you give that manuscript a good read.
||Yeah. I'm sure they Fedexed you a manuscript. They want to see that you can read an unpublished work and give insightful criticism.
||Read it twice if you have to. This is a big step in your career.
||Yeah! hmmm..I gotta go..
||Hey! What about lunch?
||(she leaves hurriedly) I gotta gooo...
||Thank god I found you..
||You still got that Fedex?
||Yeah! I got it . It's in the apartment, but we can't go in there it's being fumigated.
||No I'll take my chances. Come on...( Grabs him by the coat and head back to his place)
||Jerry , I need that Fedex right now..
||I told you to take it.
||Well, I didn't know that it was a manuscript that I had to read...
||Well, You can't go in there it's like a gas chamber in there.
||I left a Macanaw peach in your refrigerator.
||Kramer, they're fumigating. There's toxic gas in there.
||Aw! You'll be fine, you were in there for what , a couple of minutes.
||An hour and a half!!! I was reading a manuscript, I just couldn't put it down.
||How do you feel?
||Now that you mention it , a little woozy.
||Kramer You got go back in there grab my manuscript.
||I'm not going back in there!!
||all right then, where is it??
||I left it on the coffee table or somethin'
||Well wh..wh.what are you doing?
||I'm going in .
||Didn't you see the sign on the door?
||Well I thought it was so your parents wouldn't walk in while you're with a girl.
||( Heavy Panting) It's not on any table, Kramer. Where is it?
||Well I don't know . I was in the bathroom , the kitchen...
||Can you get me a soda?
||Jerry, I had some milk, I made a sandwich. I got to get out of the building.
||(again pants) I couldn't find it anywhere. How did you get fleas anyway?
||I don't know. Who could've been in my apartment.
||I 've looked everywhere , even under the couch but all I could find were the stupid Chunky wrappers. I couldn't....
||Wait a minute . Did you say chunky wrappers?
||Let me see those. ( smells them) Oh! I know the chunky that left these Chunkies......NEWMAN!!! I've got him.
||Newman . Open the door, Newman, I know you're in there.
||Hello jerry. What a pleasant surprise.
||There's nothing pleasant about it, so lets just cut the crap.. You gave me fleas. I know it and you know it..
||Fleas? Bwa ha ha ha ha .That's preposterous. How can I , give you fleas. Now if you don't mind...
||Oh! but I do. There's probably fleas crawling all over your little snack bar. ( as he says this Newman is wildly scratching behind his back. he suddenly stops when Jerry turns around)
||So , you have fleas. Maybe you keep your house in a state of disrepair. Maybe you live in squalor.
||You know Newman , the thing about fleas is that they irritate the skin and they start to...itch. Oh! maybe you can hold out five seconds or ten, maybe fifteen or twenty but after a while, no matter how much will power a person may have. It won't matter, because they're crawling , crawling on your skin. Up your legs , up your spine , up your back.....
||(Cannot take this torture anymore) Baaaaaaaaarrhhhhhhhhhhh....I'm ripped with fleas ( scratches furiously)
||Oh! Oh! That feels good. Hey! This guy charges a hundred bucks an hour but I'm telling ya he's worth every penny OOOOHH!
||Hey! Leo, get this, four movies at once; Pay Per View.
||I love these nuts.
||This Champagne's gone flat. ( throws her glass over her shoulder)
||He Ha Ha Ha...Let the chambermaid clean it up
||What's the matter?...
||Well I spoke to Elaine...
||Hey! Look , no shave.
||No...Why should that make any difference to you?
||Of course not. You don't care what I look like.
||That's right I don't.
||I suppose I could just pull this out ( his tucked shirt)and walk around like this and you wouldn't care?
||Not a wit.
||Hu humm? i suppose we could go to Lincoln Center and I'd be wearing sneakers and jeans and that would be fine too.
||You can wear sweatpants.
||(seductively) You could drape yourself in velvet, for all I care.
||Did you read the whole thing?
||Huh . So What's it about?
||Well it's a story about love, deception, greed, lust and...unbridled enthusiasm.
||Well , that's what led to Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
||You see Elaine, Billy was a simple country boy. You might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.
||Oh! my God.
||ah! Here we go.
||(to the waitress) can I have a scotch on the rocks.
||May I..( pointing her food)
||(feeling sick) Yeah! go ahead.
||what is this?
||What? What are you doin'? ( Kramer salting her food)
||I can't taste this.
||What are you talking about?
||This food ,it has no taste......nothin' I'm gettin' nothin'...( realizes) It must be the toxic gas from the fumigation......( he leaves paranoid and confused)
||Hey, thanks a lot for lettin' me stay here.
||Well, I don't keep pecans in the house so I didn't think it'd be a problem.
||( embarrassed laugh) ...Oh! Damn..
||What's the matter?
||I forgot my toothbrush.
||Oh! no problem.....You can use mine.
||Yours?....You know what I'll think I'll brush later.
||(long pause).......Sure. ( humms a song then stares at the toothbrush)
||Newman ,Let me have a bite of your Macanaw..
||What for, you got your own.
||Come on ,c'mon i need to taste it. ( takes his peach).....Nothin' , Can't even taste a Macanaw.
||( resumes eating) Well that's a shame.
||Waited all year and I can't even taste it..
||You can't taste 'em . Why waste 'em . Why not give them all to me.
||It's a story about love , deception ,greed , lust and.... unbridled enthusiasm .
||Yeah!..tha..that's right. that That's what led to...(throath clearing) Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
||hmmm...interesting take. So you believe, has he not been so enthusiastic he could have adverted disaster.
||Yes...Ye..Yes..That's right...You see ,Billy Mumphrey was a simple country boy. Some might say a cockeyed optimist, who got caught up in the dirty game of world diplomacy and International intrigue.
||So.. It was more a question of attitude than politics..
||Yes, yes Mr. Mandel.
||Hey! Under Siege is on again. Whose up for it?
||No more nuts. Awrghh.....
||Oh! my god. What the hell is this? ..... Don't tell me.......Velvet!!!
||It's the real deal.
||She's seen you in this thing.
||That's right...We just had sex......You know Jerry I've been searching for someone a long time. Well the search is over.
||And now the search for the right psychiatrist begins.
||He he...So huh! What's with the suitcase.
||Ahh! She threw me out.
||I wouldn't use her toothbrush.
||So where are you staying?
||Well I guess I'm stuck with the Velvet Fog.
||Three hours of massage time , twelve in-room movies including several adult features, five shoe shines and four hundred dolars worth of snacks. Not to mention the damage to the room.
||Mr Mandel, you don't understand ...my my friend had fleas. I ran into the gas, it could have killed me, and my, my other friend couldn't taste his peaches ,they only good for two weeks.
||I think , you've read, one too many, Billy Mumphrey stories. Good day Miss Benes.
||( mouth full) Hi, this is fantastic ( puts the pit in the a plate)D'you ever had a Macanaw peach?
||Oh! yeah I love those.
||Too bad , it's all done.
||ya....Yes!....Yes! it's back I can taste again. ( to a passerby) Hey! What's the date today?
||Fifteenth , Yes last day for the Macanaws. I can still make it. Wait.. Newman...
||Sorry , last one . Would you want to suck the pit?
||( fake laugh ) Look Hubert. It's the mailman. You remember the mailman don't you.
||( knocks) Hello is anybody here?..
||They said they were sending an Asian woman.
||Oh! my God.