||(joyful) June. It's June.
||It's June.Mark's Michelle is a dog.
||June, June, June.
||(to passerby) Hey, he-hah. It's June, June.
||It's Juu-uu-une! Hey hay. Yes.
||I love Juu-uuu-uu-uune!
||June. Juune, baby!
||The catering hall screwed up. The wedding is delayed until June. It's like a stay of execution.
||Dead man walking.
||(pointing to Jerry in joyous agreement) Ha-ha-hah. This is my lucky day.
||Well, one outta twenty thousand. That's not bad.
||Yeah. Hey, wait a second, you know, good news for you too. Susan's best friend, Hallie? Broke up with her boyfriend.
||In motion. The wheels are in motion.
||Aah, hey. (enthusiastic) If this works out, forget about it. Vacations together, movies together, dinner together. It..it's almost as good as if I didn't get married.
||So, set it up. You know what, we could have dinner at the Friars Club.
||The Friars Club?
||Yeah, I'm thinking of joining. Pat Cooper said he would put me up for membership.
||Hey everybody. (to Jerry) Listen, uh, do me a favour, will you? I got a hot date tonight with Connie. Knock on my door, wake me up in twenty minutes, alright?
||No, no, no, no. (comes in) This is evolutionary. I been reading this book, on Leonardo de Vinci. See, that means 'from Vinci', d'you know that?
||(deadpan) That must be some book.
||Yeah, well, turns out that the master slept only twenty minutes every three hours. Now, that works out to two and a half extra days, that I'm awake per week, every week. Which means, if I live to be eighty, I will have lived the equivalent of a hundred and five years.
||Just imagine how much more you'll accomplish.
||Oh, I got a lot of things in the hopper, buddy.
||I didn't know you had a hopper.
||(smiling) Oh, I got a hopper. A big hopper.
||Alright, people, I'd like to begin with a hearty hail and well-met good fellow, to Bob Grossberg, who's joining us from Business Affairs.
||Thanks. Hi everybody.
||Bob, we have a little baptism by fire for you, so to speak.
||(whispers) Poor bastard.
||(to Bob) I want you to handle all the fact-checking and the copy-editing for the new catalogue.
||Ah, could you repeat that?
||(slower and louder) Why don't you handle all the copy-editing?
||(apologetic) I..I'm sorry. What?
||(louder still) Copy-editing!
||Eh, never mind. (turns to Elaine) Elaine, you do it.
||Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld. Pat Cooper made a reservation for me.
||Yes, Mr Seinfeld, but uhm, all gentlemen are required to wear jackets in the dining room.
||(downcast) Oh, I'm sorry.
||(smiling) How embarrassing this must be for you.
||(jocular) You just bought your own dinner.
||No problem. Please, follow me.
||(passing Hallie) 'Scuse me.
||(smiling) Ho ho. Funny. Isn't he funny? Funny guy. Ha ha ha.
||Hey, not bad. (pointing to crest) I kinda like this little thing here.
||This way please.
||Hup, here we go. Here we go.
||(adamant) Ah, c'mon! I'm telling you, I can coach for the NFL. It's not that hard
||(to Hallie) Mmm, mm, mm. Hallie (points to her plate) taste this fish. It's really delicious.
||(to George) That might be the stupidest thing you've ever said.
||(to Jerry) Oh, get outta here.
||(to George) I mean, come on. (a thought occurs) No, the stupidest thing you ever said was when you said Steve Kroft from Sixty Minutes is the same guy from *Seals and Croft*.
||(to Susan) Mmm, it is good.
||(to Hallie) What do you think about having fish for the wedding?
||(to Jerry) You watch the old videos. (insistent) I'm telling you, look at him.
||(to Susan) Oh. Remember (indistinct) wedding?
||Oh, come on.
||(looking at Kramer) This is nice.
||Yeah, what time is it?
||(looks at watch) Ten-thirty.
||(pleased) Ah, see. (rubs his hands together) I got the whole night ahead of me. (looks at Jerry) Boy, that's a nice jacket, huh?
||(realising) Ohh, I don't believe this. I forgot to give it back. It belongs to the Friars Club.
||Yeah, I like that crest. (he shakes cereal into the bowl) Alright, here we go.
||(pouring cereal) Oh yeah. Most important meal of the day.
||So this Da Vinci sleep is working out?
||(enthusiastic) Oh, I'm percolating, Jerry. I'm telling you, I have never felt so fertile. I'm mossy, Jerry. My brain is mossy. Listen to this idea. (fetches a spoon from the drawer) A restaurant that serves only peanut butter and jelly. (clicks tongue)
||What d'you call it?
||P B and J's. What d'you think?
||(deadpan) I think you need more sleep.
||So, how'd your date work out with the mysterious Connie?
||I am telling you, this woman is strange. She never wants to leave the apartment. It's almost like she doesn't wanna be seen with me.
||Oh, now you're being ridiculous.
||(laughing) He he, yeah.
||(indicates the bowl of cereal) No milk?
||Oh, I'll be back.
||(quietly) Hey Jerry.
||(prodding Jerry) C'mon buddy.
||(confused) Wha..? What time is it?
||(aghast) Four in the morning?!
||Well, what's wrong with you?
||I'm bored. I got all this free time on my hands, I dunno what to do. You wanna do something?
||No. Would you just get out?
||You wanna rent a movie?
||Well, what am I gonna do?
||Ready for lunch?
||(irked) I'm stuck here, editing the stupid catalogue, because of stupid Bob Grossberg.
||Listen, there is something really suspicious about this guy. Every time Mr Peterman tries to assign him any work, he says he can't hear, and it all gets dumped on me.
||You think he's faking?
||I don't know. But I'd like to try that earpiece on, see if it's real.
||Hey Elaine. (he spots Jerry) Oh, you have a friend.
||(to Elaine) Just wanted to say hi.
||Bob, you know what? I'm kinda swamped here. You think you could give me a hand with some of the catalogue?
||(cupping his hand behind his ear) I..I'm sorry. What?
||(slower and louder) I'm kind of swamped.
||Thank you. I'm having lunch with Mr P. I better get going.
||Did you see that? Did you see that, Jerry?
||That was him?
||Somehow I thought he'd be taller.
||Alright, listen, we'll have to do this again some other time, okay? I got a lotta work to do.
||(standing) Alright, I'll see you later.
||Hey, Bobby, over here.
||Bob. Oh, Bob.
||(urgent whisper) Elaine.
||(makes an irked noise)
||I was just in the bathroom.
||(really doesn't want to know) Okay, Jerry, please, please. I'm really busy here.
||No, no, no. I was just in the bathroom with that Bob guy.
||No, I kinda tried to test his hearing.
||Get out! What'd you do?
||Well, I kinda snuck up behind him at the urinal and tried to see if he could hear me.
||Well, he flinched, sort of.
||What d'you mean, sort of? What'd he do?
||Well, he kinda moved his head, you know. It mighta been on the zip up, I dunno.
||So you don't know anything?
||(sarcasm) Alright, good job.
||(entering) Last night, huh? Was that something, or was that something?
||That was something.
||Ah. She's great, isn't she?
||(positive) Fantastic. Fantastic woman.
||I told you.
||I'm nuts about her.
||You think she could be an 'it'? Could she be an 'it'?
||She could be an 'it'.
||(claps hands triumphantly) We might have an 'it'!
||She's got 'it' written all over her.
||She's got everything, right? (counts on his fingers) She's intelligent, she's smart, she's got a great sense of humour.
||Well, I dunno. I didn't really talk to her.
||Well, she's smart. You take my word for it.
||(gleeful) Hehee. W..we could be like the Gatsbys. Didn't they always like, you know, a bunch of people around, and they were all best friends?
||That doesn't sound right.
||No. So, tonight she's got tickets for that show she's been working on. The Flying Sandos Brother.
||Flying Sandos. Beautiful.
||Great. Seven-thirty, alright?
||Walk me down to the Friars.
||Sure. So, uh, Jerry, there's an empty apartment in my building. If you and Hallie want, we could try and hold it, may...
||It's not here.
||Th..the jacket, it's not here. It's gotta be here somewhere.
||(to Kramer) Thanks for that four a.m. wakeup call last night. (frustrated) Where the hell is that jacket?
||Oh, the one with the crest.
||Oh, well, that's at the cleaners.
||The cleaners? How did it get there?
||Well, I, uh, I borrowed it last night and it got a little dirty.
||(laughing to himself) Somehow I dozed off and woke up in a pile of garbage.
||Somehow? You've had an hour and twenty minutes sleep in three days!
||Well, so, look, the cleaner said you could pick it up tonight at six.
||Alright. I just hope I can get it to the Friars Club before the show.
||Won't be a problem...(mumbles)
||(to Kramer) Hey.
||Watch out, boy.
||Can you give us a hand with some of these boxes, Bob?
||(sexily) I want you so bad, Bob. You turn me on...
||...so much. You're so damn...sexy.
||(sexy) Ohh. I'm starting to unbutton.
||(dropping the sexy voice) Anything getting through? Bob?
||Well, they perform all over. Europe mostly.
||A-ha, huh. (mumbles) tours.
||Sorry, sorry I'm late.
||Isn't that the uh, Friars Club jacket?
||Yeah, it wasn't ready on time. I have to return it after the show.
||Sure, sure, sure, sure. (patting Jerry on the shoulders) How about these seats? Are these fantastic, huh? Huh? I feel like Lincoln.
||Yeah. Well, let's hope this evening turns out a little better.
||So, uhm, are you sure you don't wanna go to the movies?
||Mmm, no, Cosmo. I like just being here with you.
||Oh, it's uh, it's a bold adventure.
||Ooh. Well, this is uh, risky business, huh? I'm all a-twitter.
||How would you kind people like to lend a hand with our next trick?
||(smiling) I don't think so.
||Please, take off your jacket.
||Yes, the jacket. (turns to the crowd) What do you say, ladies and gentlemen?
||(to Jerry) Can't argue with that.
||Do it. Come on, Jerry.
||Give him the jacket.
||(giving in) Alright.
||And now, we say the magic word. (gestures with his hand) Agrabah! And we make it disappear.
||(passionate) Oh Cosmo. Mm-mmm, Cosmo. Oh Cosmo.
||(uncomfortable) Uh, honey, can you move a little, this hurts.
||(panicky) Oh my god. Cosmo, wake up!
||(horrified) Oh my god! He's dead! He's dead.
||(into phone) Yeah, Tommy, this is Connie. You gotta help me. Some guy dropped dead on top of me. (listens) I can't call the cops, 'cos Joey might find out. (listens) I can't. I'm stuck. You gotta help me.
||This is very exciting. The inner sanctum.
||Hi. I..I was in the audience earlier. You threw my jacket down. I just wanted to pick it up.
||Jacket? What jacket?
||(explaining) I had a jacket with a crest on it. You came into the audience, you threw it away. Agrabah.
||A..are you sure it was me?
||Well, it was either you or one of your brothers.
||Well, two of them have left already.
||(shaking his head apologetically) No.
||It doesn't even belong to me. It belongs to the Friars Club.
||Jerry, I'm sure it'll turn up.
||(cynical) I'm sure it won't.
||Don't worry. I'll get the jacket back.
||(cheerful) Alright, there you go. She's gonna get the jacket back. (claps hands) So, let's go get some coffee, huh?
||(downcast) No, I'm a little tired. I think I'll go home.
||Aww, that's too bad.
||Yeah, we'll do it another time.
||(bright) George, we'll go.
||I, uh, oh, broke a shoelace today.
||Oh, I can get you shoelaces tomorrow.
||So, what colour?
||Maybe a black.
||(urgent) No! Check! (quieter) Please.
||(looking after the guys) That nut is always up to something.
||HEY!! Sh..! Shii! MAMA!!
||Elaine. I think I've been working you a little too hard, lately.
||(shrugging it off) Oh.
||So, I have two tickets for you (holds up the bits of card) to the Flying Sandos Brothers magic show.
||It is a real hoot.
||(delighted) Well, thank you Mr Peterman.
||Ah, the tickets are for tonight. So you and Bob can knock off a little early, so you both can get ready.
||Mr Peterman, you...
||(interrupting) There's no need to deny it, Elaine. I heard every word you said.
||And I know you wouldn't be just having fun with his handicap. (staring away) That kind of cruelty would be grounds for dismissal.
||(resigned) Of course, Mr Peterman.
||(into phone) Tell 'em I'll come down and talk to 'em. Okay, bye. (to George) Well, that was the Friars Club. D'you think they're gonna let a jacket-stealer join? I don't think so! They're gonna charge me eight hundred dollars for the jacket, and I gotta deal with Pat Cooper!
||(worked up) Wh..what kinda show is that Sandos Brothers? They take your jacket, then they just throw it? I never heard of that!
||It's a little unusual. So, uh, Susan and I were thinking, uh, dinner at our house Saturday night. Just the four of us.
||(unenthusiastic) Uhh, I don't think so.
||(worried) Why not?
||(impassive) Ah, I'm a little turned off.
||(standing) C'mon, what're you talking about?
||Ahh, I'm, I'm kinda soured.
||Yeah, I'm soured.
||Don't be soured.
||I'm sorry. I'm soured.
||(animated) What're you kidding me? We were all getting along so well. Where is all this coming from?
||Well, you know, frankly, I don't think she was too concerned about my jacket.
||(animated) What're you talking about?! She's very concerned! She said she was gonna get it back.
||(indifferent) Yeah, we'll see.
||(worked up) Because if she gets it back, then you'll have no reason to be sour. You'll de-sour, right?
||I'll try and de-sour.
||(aggravated) Oh, that's not good enough! You don't try and de-sour. You have to sweeten too!
||(sharp) I'll try! I'll try and de-sour and sweeten.
||I wanna get it back when we were the Gatsbys.
||I still don't know what that means.
||(neither does he) Yeah, well.
||(astonished) Oh god! What happened to you?!
||(animated) She tried to kill me Jerry!
||What'd she do?
||I don't know! (building to a shout) But I woke up in the Hudson river in a SACK!! I think she drugged me, but she's a murderer and I'm calling the cops.
||(bewildered) Why would she try and kill you?
||(animated) Well, isn't it obvious? She doesn't want anybody else to have me!
||(to door) Gah!
||Hey, there's uncle Milty.
||(pleased) Yeah, it is.
||(pointing) And there's David Steinberg.
||The comedian, or the manager?
||(to George) Hey, there's Pat. (calls) Hey, Pat.
||Hey, Jerry. What the hell went wrong? What's the matter with you? Are you a kleptomaniac, or what?
||I forgot to take it off.
||(dubious) You forgot to take it off? Oh, you go into a department store, you put a suit on, and you walk right out. What are you some sort of an idiot?
||Where's the jacket?
||Well, one of the gypsies took it.
||(skeptical) Aww, the gypsies took it! Of course, New York has a lot of gypsies! Oh, on every block there's a gypsy!
||(meekly) Well, it's true. I saw it.
||(probing) Excuse me, are you an entertainer? Are you in showbusiness?
||No, I uh...
||(interrupting) Then what am I talking to you for? (to Jerry) Jerry, bring the jacket back tomorrow.
||Wait a minute, wait a minute.
||Look at that guy. Right there. Isn't that the guy from the show? He's..he's wearing the jacket.
||God, you're right.
||(motioning Jerry to follow) C'mon.
||Wait a second! Excuse me gentlemen, are you members?
||Well, I'm a prospective member.
||Until then, (pointing) that's the way out.
||But that guy has my jacket.
||C'mon, let's go.
||Excuse me, the guy is wearing a jacket that my friend is...
||If I could talk to the guy for just a sec...
||These seats are fantastic. It was really nice of Mr Peterman to give us these tickets.
||(flat) Yeah, yeah. Was nice.
||(smiling) Yeah. Got our own little private box here, don't we?
||(pushing Bob away) Get offa me! Stop it. Stop it.
||Get offa me!
||Get a hold of yourself, Bob! (throwing Bob back between the seats) Get a hold of yourself!
||I dunno how that guy gave us the slip at the Friars Club.
||I told you, he probably went out the back.
||Hey. It's you! (pointing) Th..that's my Friars Club jacket!
||No, it is not. It is my jacket.
||(adamant) No, no, no. That's my jacket, give it back.
||No, it is not. This is mine.
||C'mon I need it.
||(determined) I wanna join. I need it to become a member.
||Give 'im the jacket already!
||(yelling) Help! Help! (foreign language) Azobar! Azobar disay!
||What's he yelling about? They're stealing jackets here!
||Can you believe it?!
||(examining) Hey George, you know what? I think this crest is different. It's got a moose on it.
||Yeah. (subdued) I don't think this is the jacket.
||No, it's not.
||This is the jacket.
||Ohh, you got the jacket back.
||(taking the jacket) Thank you.
||It got a little dirty, so they wanted to clean it before they gave it back to you.
||Oh. (smiling) Oh, that's nice of 'em.
||(smiling) That is really nice.
||This is nice.
||(forced buoyancy) Hey, you know, let's call Susan, we'll go have coffee.
||(flat) I'll see you at the wedding.
||(moody) Great! Now she's sour!
||Maybe she'll sweeten.
||(angry) She won't sweeten, and I'm bitter!
||(pointing) There they are!
||Here. (panicky) We'll leave it here for you!
||(pointing) That's her, officer.
||(shocked) Kramer! Oh my god, I thought you were...
||(animated) What? Sleeping with the fishes? I guess I woke up!
||You're under arrest for the attempted murder of Cosmo Kramer.
||(defensive) I didn't do anything.
||(sarcastic) Oh, yeah! Yeah!
||Get your coat, we gotta take you in.
||Can I call my lawyer?
||Okay, go ahead.
||(on phone) You gotta meet me at the police station. They're arresting me for attempted murder.
||Attempted murder? Of whom?
||This guy, Kramer.
||Oh. (hesitantly) Cosmo Kramer?
||(surprised) Yeah, that's right.
||(adamant) I don't want nothing to do with it.