||Well, if the big man wants a new scoreboard, I don't wanna be the one to tell him no.
||No-one in the park is gonna be able to see it from there.
||(through a mouthful of shrimp) Well, why don't we just put a monitor in his skybox?
||Hey George, the ocean called. They're running outta shrimp.
||(angry, to himself) The ocean called. Running outta shrimp. Outta shrimp! (a thought occurs) Oh! Yes! That's what I shoulda said! (frustrated shout) Dammit!
||'The ocean called, They're running outta shrimp'?
||Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, I said to him, 'Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called, and they're running outta you.'
||(smiling) Really? That's great. You said that to him?
||(confessing) Well, actually, I thought it up on the way over here.
||Oh. That's not quite the same.
||No. No it's not. You don't know this guy. It woulda been so sweet.
||I'm gonna grab a can of balls.
||Hello. My name is Milos. How can I help you.
||I need a can of balls.
||Can of balls for the nice guy, alri...
||...Ahh. You don't plan to hit these balls with that racquet, do you?
||Checking out the staff picks, Miss Benes?
||Oh. (laughs) Ha-ha. Hey. Yeah, yeah. (indicating shelf) This Vincent guy, he is the best. He and I have the exact same taste in movies.
||Oh, Vincent is an art-house goon. I stick to the Gene rack.
||Gene? Oh, it's so stupid and mainstream.
||(indicates 'Gene' shelf) I've seen all these, so I went with a Kramer pick.
||(reading) 'The Other Side Of Darkness'. Huh, I never heard of that one.
||Yeah, went straight to video.
||(positive) That makes me the premiere.
||(gets Kramer's point) Hah.
||Jerry, have you ever seen the movie The Other Side Of Darkness?
||It's about this woman, in a coma. Well, I couldn't finish watching it, so I want you to read this.
||(reading) 'I, Cosmo Kramer, having just seen the movie The Other Side Of Darkness, and not wanting to be in a coma like that lady in the movie, hereby want Jerry Seinfeld to remove my life support, feeding machine, lung-blower, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.'
||Can you do that for me, buddy?
||Well, I don't if what you have here constitutes a legally binding document.
||Well, I'm gonna type it up.
||Yes, well, of course, but, even so, you may wanna talk to a lawyer.
||Yeah, but, Jackie Chiles, he put a restraining order on me. (frustrated) I'm not allowed within two hundred feet of his office. I couldn't even give him his Christmas present.
||Oh, hey, new racquet, huh?
||Yeah. (hands racquet to Kramer) I wasn't gonna get it, but this guy Milos, who runs the pro shop, he really recommended it.
||In fact, it's the only racquet he plays with.
||(picking up Jerry's old racquet) Well, you're not gonna need this any more.
||(accusingly) Hey, this is the zee page of my address book.
||(explaining) Oh yeah, I put all your zees on the weights and measures page.
||(emotional) Oh. Oh, bravo, Vincent. Bravo. (sniffs)
||Did you enjoy the movie?
||Who is it?
||Of Vincent's picks?
||He called you?
||He musta got my number off the computer. We ended up talking for, like, two hours.
||To a guy you've never met? (mild sarcasm) Your screening process is getting ever more rigorous.
||Trying to meet him. He's never at the video store. They said he sets his own hours.
||Little help, hey!
||(tossing the ball back) Yeah.
||(laughing to Jerry) Oh god, that guy's terrible.
||(pulling on a jacket) Mmm-hmm.
||Hey, how come we played at this crummy place instead of your club?
||George used up all my guest passes already.
||(tossing the ball) Here you go.
||(shock) Oh, hey. (puts sunglasses back on) How you doing?
||Okay, we should uh, wrap it up here.
||So he was bad. What d'you care?
||Elaine, I paid two hundred dollars for this racquet, because he said it's the only one he plays with. He could've played just as well with a log.
||Hey. Right, I talked to this lawyer guy, Shellbach. Now, he's gonna set me up, but you gotta come with me and be the executor.
||The executor? Of what?
||Kramer wants to die with dignity.
||There's a feather in your cap.
||I don't wanna be a vegetable, Elaine. I just want out. (snaps fingers)
||Sometimes in life, the gods smile upon you, my friends.
||D'you get someone to take that Canadian quarter?
||I got another meeting with Reilly. A whole new audience, and I bet I can get him to try that line again.
||George was scarfing shrimp at this meeting, and this guy says 'Hey, George, the ocean called. They're running outta shrimp.'
||Listen to the comeback. (pleased) 'Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called. They're running outta you.'
||(worked up) Wha...You gotta be kidding me?!
||How 'bout this one? How 'bout, 'Your cranium called. It's got some space to rent.'?
||(confused) What does that mean?
||(taps George's chest) Hey, here you go. 'Hey, Reilly. The zoo called. You're due back by six.'
||(frustrated) No. No, no, no. You're not helping me.
||Look, just tell him you had sex with his wife. That'll kill him.
||(shouting) I'm not looking for another line. I got the line.
||Look, George, just think about it. You know, you're married, how would you feel if somebody says to you that they just had se...
||(really animated) Alright, alright. You see? This is why I hate writing with a large group. Everybody has their own little opinions, and it all gets homogenised, and you lose the whole edge of it. I'm going with jerk store! Jerk store is the line! Jerk store! Yess!
||(picking the racquet up) Did you take this out of the garbage?
||Yeah, it's still got some spring in the strings.
||Oh, Jerry, this is a piece of junk. (drops racquet in the trash) How are you gonna be the executor of my living will?
||(indicating) You see? You can't let go.
||Trust me, Kramer. Given the legal opportunity, I will kill you.
||I wish I could believe you. Hey, Elaine, do you have some free time tomorrow afternoon?
||Yeah, because you're perfect. You're a calculating, cold-hearted businesswoman. And when there's dirty work to be done, you don't mind stomping on a few throats.
||(smiling, flattered) Oh, ho, c'mon.
||Situation number four. You're breathing on your own, you're conscious, but with no muscular function.
||Well, would I be able to communicate?
||I don't see how.
||Ach, I don't like the sound of this one.
||Huhh, yeah, let's pull the cord.
||Yank it like (pops open soda can) you're starting a mower.
||Moving on. You have liver, kidneys and gall bladder, but no central nervous system.
||Well, I gotta have a central nervous system.
||Okay. One lung, blind and you're eating through a tube.
||Naw, that's not my style.
||Alright, you can eat. But machines do everything else.
||Yeah, yeah. Stick. (to Elaine) 'Cos I could still go to the coffee shop.
||(points to Kramer and smiles in agreement) That's right.
||Jerry, thank god you got my message. Thank you so much for coming down here. Uhm, listen...
||(animated) You know, I spent two hundred dollars on a racquet because I thought you knew what you were talking about.
||You can't even play.
||Believe me, it is Milos great shame. But Jerry, I could lose my business if anybody find out. How would you like extra year membership of the club? Free. No charge.
||You could do that?
||Jerry, for you, anything.
||(indicating the woman) Game, set and match, huh Milos?
||(apologetic) Hah, Jerry, I am so sorry. they tell me there is no way they can do it. (meek) Is there anything else I can do for you? Anything at all. I refund your money.
||(animated) You know what Milos, I don't even care about the money. I just feel like I was taken by the worst tennis player I...
||Shhh-shhh. (whispers) I make it up to you.
||(doubtful) Yeah, you'll make it up to me.
||Oh, this is the one Vincent told me about. The Pain And The Yearning. (reads from the box) 'An old woman experiences pain and yearning.' A hundred and ninety-two minutes?
||That's a lotta yearning, huh?
||You know, these movies are great, but they're just so emotionally exhausting.
||Yeah, well, what you need is some summertime adolescent high jinx.
||(looking at 'Gene' rack) See what doctor Gene prescribes, huh? (pulls down a cassette) Oh, here, look at that. Weekend At Bernies Two. Now, that's an hilarious premise.
||(laughs) Huh. (looks from tape to tape) Well...
||Yeah. (taps the Weekend At Bernie's II box)
||Yeah, I could use a chuckle.
||What're you getting?
||Nothing, I'm gonna finish watching The Other Side Of Darkness.
||Oh. How much you got left?
||Yeah, about two hours.
||Yeah, she shot in that coma pretty quick.
||(at TV screen) Bernie is dead, you moron! (frustration) Just because he's wearing sunglasses he looks alive?! (picks up video box) Ugh, how long is this weekend, anyway? (reads from label) Ugh!
||(accusing) How's the movie. Elaine?
||(betrayed) The Gene pick. How could you? I thought we had something special.
||(defensive) No, it doesn't mean anything. I'm not even gonna rewind it.
||Alright, let's get to it.
||Wha..wait a minute, wha..what about Reilly?
||Reilly doesn't work here any more.
||(surprise) What? I..I didn't hear about that.
||Oh, we only wake you up for the important meetings.
||Hello. Didn't I see you at the pro shop yesterday?
||I think so. I'm Patty. Milos gave me your address. I hope you don't mind me waiting for you here.
||(to himself) Hoh, that Milos. (to Patty) Well uh, what shall we do, uhm, care for a cup of coffee?
||Why don't we just go up to your apartment?
||(to himself) Gotta be an easier way.
||Doctor, how's her coma?
||Oh, exactly the same.
||Wait a minute, she's coming out of the coma.
||Mrs Allbright, can you hear me? Are you okay?
||(bright and cheerful) I feel so rested and refreshed. Get me a toothbrush.
||So, you play tennis?
||(putting the glass down on the counter) Enough talk, Jerry.
||Not for me, I love chatting.
||(putting her hand to Jerry's face) Shh.
||(anguished) No! No, I can't do this. (moving away) I can't go through with it. (sitting on the couch) Not even for him!
||(cries) Milos. My husband!
||(shocked) Your husband?!
||So concerned was he, that word of his poor tennis skills might leak out, he chose to offer you his wife as some sort of mediaeval sexual payola?
||(explanation) He's new around here.
||(hopeful) So, details?
||(walking away) Well, I didn't sleep with her.
||Because of society, right?
||(weary) Yes, George, because of society. So how did the big meeting turn out?
||Reilly is no longer with the club. (getting up) You believe that?
||Ah, you're better off. Now you can just let it go.
||Yeah, I'm gonna let it go.
||You never really had the right comeback, anyway.
||(animated) Are you insane? Jerk store, woulda smoked that guy! Smoked him, I say.
||Hey. Oh, Jerry, listen uh, you know, I saw the rest of that movie, The Other Side Of Darkness? The coma lady wakes up at the end.
||(frustrated) Ohh, I wanted to see that. (waves his arms in frustration) Thanks. Thanks a lot.
||I didn't know it was possible to come out of a coma.
||I didn't know it was possible not to know that.
||(from bathroom) How was Eric Roberts as the husband?
||(shouting back) Oh, unforgettable.
||(nervous) I gotta find Elaine. Y'know, she's gonna pull my plug.
||What? Betrayed? Oh, Vincent, I'm so sorry. I...
||Yeah, listen, uh, Elaine, I've changed my mind about the whole coma thing. (positive) Yeah, I decided I'm up for it.
||Kramer, do you have any idea what you've done?
||What're you doing?
||Vincent stopped making picks.
||(upset) Well, how am I gonna know what movies to see?
||We have a wide variety of Gene picks.
||(dismissive) Gene's trash.
||(forcing a smile) Hi.
||Milos, I can assure you, I had no intention of telling anyone about your unbelievably bad tennis playing.
||(not cheered) Thank you, but, unfortunately, I have much larger problems to fry. My wife, she has no respect for Milos anymore.
||I guess that's a risk you run when you dabble in the flesh trade.
||Patty, she, she loves tennis, as much like I do. (hopeful) Wou..would you, wi..will you let me beat you in tennis? That is the only way I can show her I am still a man.
||(reluctant) Well, I'll do it as long as there's no other girls around. I mean, I wanna be a man too.
||So you hurt Vincent's feelings?
||(handing Jerry an envelope) Look what came in the mail today.
||(taking the envelope) Wh..What's this?
||It's the play button, off his VCR.
||(examining the button) Boy, look how far back it goes. It's like a tooth.
||(sitting) So, guess where Mr 'Ocean phoned' turned up? He's working for Firestone, in Akron, Ohio.
||Yep. I'm leaving first thing tomorrow morning.
||(nonplused) You're flying to Akron, just to zing a guy?
||Don't you understand? It's not about him. To have a line as perfect as 'jerk store' and to never use it. I, I couldn't live with myself.
||See, there are no jerk stores. It..it's just a little confusing, is all.
||(adamant) It's smart. It's a smart line, and a smart crowd will appreciate it. (shouting) And, I'm not gonna dumb it down for some bonehead mass audience!
||(waving apologetically) Not you.
||Oh, brittle bones. How I long to be rid of the pain.
||Elaine? It's Vincent.
||(surprised) Vincent. (pleading) Where are you? I have to meet you.
||No. I can't bear to have anyone see me.
||Vincent, listen, I won't judge you the way everyone else does. You're, you're strange and beautiful, and sensitive. (blunter) Now, let's have a look at you.
||(relenting) Alright, but, can you bring me few things from the store? I haven't been out in a while.
||(indicating that cars should pass him) Well, go around, you bunch of crazies. You maniacs are gonna get us all killed.
||Hi, can I help you?
||Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm Cosmo Kramer. Yeah, I had an appointment to annul my living will.
||Oh. (looks at her watch) Mr Kramer, you had a ten-thirty appointment. It's two o'clock. Mr Shellbach had a tennis lesson. He's gone for the day.
||(triumphant shout) Another game for Milos!! Hahaha!
||You're on fire today.
||(shouting over) Hey Patty. look at this guy. He's awful!
||(milking it) He's not a man, this Jerry. He's not even married like I am. (laughs) Huhuhuhu.
||(quietly) Hey, uh, Milos, I don't mind rolling over here, but could you lighten up on the 'not a man' stuff?
||(shouting) Hey everybody, look! The little chicken girl wants me to ease up. He can't handle this, so he cries like a woman! (laughs evilly) Hahaha!
||I got what you asked.
||Just, leave it and go.
||W..well, can't I come in?
||No. Go away. Now.
||(pleading) No, no. Vincent, I... Don't shut me out. (beseeching) I just, I know you feel what I feel.
||Excuse me. Can I help you?
||(confused) Uh, uhm, I'm, I'm here to see Vincent.
||Well, I'm his mother. (stern) Vincent, what's going on here?
||(shrieks) No, my acne!
||(regarding the grocery bag) What d'you have here?
||(disapproving) Vodka, cigarettes, fireworks. (accusing) What kind of a sick woman brings this to a fifteen year old?
||(sick smile) We have the same taste in movies.
||Did he send you part of our VCR?
||(entering the apartment) Vincent!
||(pointing and shouting) Look at the big baby! (laughter) Hehaha. (to Jerry) Hey, big baby, are you wetting yourself? Maybe it is time for you to be changed. (laughter) Hahah.
||(quietly) I told you to cut it out.
||(quietly, to Jerry) Hey, c'mon, what're you doing? (to his audience)
||So, George. You're proposing a snow tyre day at Yankee Stadium?
||(through a mouthful) Long as they don't throw 'em on the field. (laughs) Huhu. (indicating dish) Help yourself to some shrimp, I brought enough for everybody.
||(doubtful) I have to say this, this proposal doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
||Well, you never know. (picks up more shrimp) Let's see how many I can fit in my mouth.
||(leaning forward) You know, George...
||The ocean called. They're running outta shrimp.
||(standing) Oh yeah, Reilly? (smugly) Well, the jerk store called. They're running outta you
||(unperturbed) What's the difference? You're their all-time best seller!
||Yeah? Well, I had sex with your wife.
||His wife is in a coma.
||(to Jerry) Hi. (indicating Kramer) How's he doing?
||He's been sleeping a lot. He's still groggy.
||Oh. (puts the VCR down) I thought a movie might cheer him up. I got him a Gene pick.
||What happened to Vincent?
||(evasive) I'm kinda off of him. (looking around) Uh, outlet?
||'My wife's in a coma.' Yeah? Well, the life support machine called and...
||(shouts) Wait! Yes! That's what I should've said! (frustration) D'ohh!
||(cocky laughter) Huh haha! (shouts) You're meat, Reilly! You just screwed yourself! (laughter) Ha ha!