|Character||[Jenna's Apartment||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||JERRY||JERRY||GEORGE||HEAD||JERRY||GEORGE||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||HEAD||KRAMER||OWNER||ELAINE||OWNER||ELAINE||OWNER||ELAINE||OWNER||ELAINE||OWNER||ELAINE||OWNER||ELAINE||OWNER||ELAINE||OWNER||ELAINE||OWNER||OWNER||ELAINE||OWNER||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||KRAMER||GEORGE||KRAMER||JERRY||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||KRAMER||ELAINE||DELIVERY BOY||ELAINE||DELIVERY BOY||ELAINE||ELAINE||JERRY||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||GEORGE||HEAD (O.C.)||JERRY||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA (O.C.)||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JERRY||JENNA||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||KRAMER||KRAMER||MAN||ELAINE||MAN||ELAINE||MAN||ELAINE||MAN||ELAINE||MAN||ELAINE||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||JERRY||KRAMER||GEORGE||KRAMER||JERRY||JENNA (O.C.)||JERRY||GEORGE||KRAMER||GEORGE||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||JERRY||KRAMER||ELAINE||KRAMER||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||KRAMER||ELAINE||KRAMER||ELAINE||KRAMER||ELAINE||ELAINE||RALPH||GEORGE||RALPH||GEORGE||RALPH||GEORGE||RALPH||GEORGE||RALPH||GEORGE||RALPH||MRS ALLISTER||ELAINE||MRS ALLISTER||ELAINE||MRS ALLISTER||ELAINE||RADIO||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||ELAINE||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||JERRY||GEORGE||ELAINE||KRAMER||ELAINE||KRAMER||MRS ALLISTER (O.C.)||ELAINE||ELAINE||ELAINE||MRS ALLISTER||ELAINE||MRS ALLISTER||ELAINE||MRS ALLISTER||ELAINE||GEORGE||JERRY||KRAMER||ELAINE||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||ELAINE||JENNA||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||JERRY||ELAINE||JENNA||ELAINE||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||JENNA||JERRY||HEAD||JERRY||JERRY||ELAINE||KRAMER||NEWMAN||NEWMAN||KRAMER||NEWMAN||NEWMAN||KRAMER||KRAMER||KRAMER||KRAMER||KRAMER|
|Dialogue||Bathroom]||Morning.||Morning.||Hope you don't mind baking soda flavour.||(applying paste to brush) Ah, baking soda. Annoying little product. 'I can do this. I can do that.' Why doesn't this stuff just shut up?||I'm gonna grab you a towel.||Ooh-ooh||So?||So? She used the toothbrush!||You said you grabbed it outta there real fast, right?||Yeah.||So I'm sure whatever germs it landed on were knocked out, and by the time the rest of them realised what was going on, you had already grabbed it out.||How many years of med school did you have?||Was she mad?||You didn't tell her.||Jenna's like me. She's very... (searches for word)||Finicky? Prissy? Fastidious?||I'll take fastidious.||What is that?||Ahh, Steinbrenner gave 'em to us, in honour of Phil Rizzuto being inducted into the Hall of Fame.||Holy cow!||They don't actually have to squeeze his head to get him to say 'holy cow', do they?||Just the last few innings of a double-header.||Hey. Look at this. I'm in the passing lane of the Arthur Berkhardt expressway, going seventy and (makes impact sound - pckergh!) Dragged this thing for five exits.||Why didn't you pull over?||Well I was draughting behind a semi. I didn't wanna lose him. The infrastructure, Jerry, it's crumbling.||Holy cow!||Well, look at that. A talking Nixon.||China Panda.||Yeah, I'd like to place an order.||Ah yes, what you like?||This Supreme Flounder, it says first time served in America. Is that true?||What number?||Forty-seven.||Yeah, first time. What else?||Uh, that's it.||Address?||Seventy-eight, West Eighty-sixth Street. Apartment three E.||That's southside. Sorry, we don't deliver below Eighty-sixth.||I'm not below.||Yes you are. Street itself is boundary.||Your guy can't cross to my side?||If we deliver to you, then what? Eighty-fifth Street, Wall Street, Mexico, Eighty-fourth Street.||Alright, fine. I'll just cross and meet him.||Sorry, food only for those who live within boundary. (slams down phone)||(picks up phone) China Panda.||(using silly voice) Uh, yeah yeah. I'd like to place an order.||Ah, what you like?||Well, I'm a poppa.||Bring it on. Nothing's throwing me at this point.||(handing Jerry a cigar) Well, as of today I am a proud parent of a one-mile stretch of the Arthur Berkhardt Expressway.||Oh, that adopt-a-highway thing.||Yeah, I'm part of the solution now Jerry. Yeah, I went down there and I checked it out this morning. Here, take a look. Mile one-fourteen.||Aw, looks just like you.||Aw, I'm beaming Jerry.||So what d'you have to do? Pay to keep it clean?||They try to push you into using their cleaning crew, with all their so-called maintenance equipment.||That old scam.||Yeah, well that's why I'm doing it all myself. This parenting isn't about delegating responsibility, it's about being there.||At the side of the road, with a pile of garbage.||Quality time.||Keys. I can't find my keys.||You lost Phil Rizzuto's head?!||Have you seen 'em?||No.||Dammit!||C'mon, retrace your steps. What d'you do today?||I got up, I was supposed to go to work, I came here instead.||Right.||Well, they're not here. You'll have to dig up your spare set.||I don't have a spare set. All my keys say 'do not duplicate'.||So?||So you can't duplicate 'em.||Sure you can. (to Jerry) Such a sweet kid.||Oh. Oh, hi. China Panda?||(suspicious) Why you waiting on the street and not in your apartment?||I... thought that I would meet you halfway.||You really live here?||Oh yeah. (handing over money) There you go, keep the change. Bye now. I'll see you.||(at the boy's back) This isn't fair. This is address discrimination!||Well, I cleaned out their whole dental hygiene shelf.||So the plan is to secretly sterilise her mouth?||By the time I'm through with her mouth, she'll be able to eat off it. Is it safe to drink bleach if you dilute it?||No, stings the throat. Anyway, so I was coming along here, and I felt like a piece of cake, you know? But then I thought, it's morning, I should really have a muffin. I like those chocolate chip ones. Then I figured, well, they're really both cake. So I, uh, I sat on that bench for a little while, twenty minutes or an hour, and then I figured, check and see what you were up to. (a thought occurs to him) Wait a minute, wait a minute. The broad jump! The broad jump over the pothole on Eighty-sixth Street!||Now I remember, as I jumped over the hole I heard a, like a jingling sound.||You didn't look down?||I was trying to stick the landing. (indistinct) ...was right around here.||No! No!!||Holy, Holy Cow!||Poor son of a bitch.||It's a hundred thousand revolutions a second. It's the most powerful one they make.||It's like I'm holding a blender.||The engine's made by McDonnell-Douglas.||Oh no, you keep going. It shuts off automatically.||(restarting and reapplying the brush) Really, it does?||(unheard by Jenna) When the battery runs out.||(shouting to Jerry) I was really happy with my old toothbrush.||No, trust me, that one was doing more harm than good. Don't forget to use the Plax too.||That stuff tastes like bleach!||I don't know anything about that.||Mmm. My mouth feels so clean.||That's the idea.||You know, maybe we better not. I, I think I'm getting a little cold. I don't wanna give you any of my germs.||Aww. Okay. Thanks, I guess.||You still couldn't kiss her?||She has a taint. I can't see it, but I know it's there.||Oh, so now you're finding fault on a sub-atomic level.||Maybe if I could shrink myself down, like in Fantastic Voyage, and get inside a microscopic submarine, I could be sure. Although if there was something there, it might be pretty scary. Course, I would have that laser.||Jer, do you see where this is going?||Being really clean and happy?||Jerry, you have tendencies. They're always annoying, but they were just tendencies. But now, if you can't kiss this girl, I'm afraid we're talking disorder.||Disorder?||And from disorder, you're a quirk or two away from full-on dementia.||(thoughtful) Hmm, that could hurt me. (pointing out of window) Hey, there it is.||Shall we stop and say hi?||Nah, we've seen it.||Yeah.||(shouting after car) Hey Jerry! Yeah, I'll see you back at the house!||Mile one-fourteen, clean as a whistle.||Yeah?||Hi. I'm your neighbour, uh, fr... from across the street. And uh, (coughs nervously) I was wondering, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, if I could use your apartment to order some food?||Wha? What d'you want?||You see, there's this certain flounder and they won't deliver it to my side of the street.||Wh, when is that?||No, I just need them to deliver it here and I have to be kinda inside is all.||Who are you with?||No, actually I'm... I'm just kind of hungry.||Who let you in?||Well, the lock was broken. You just have to jiggle it, actually. But, I just need like a half an hour to an hour.||What's with the signs?||Hey, you should see the Berkhardt, Jerry. My mile is spotless. I mean the big stuff was easy. Cinderblocks, air-conditioners, shopping carts (makes sound - fzup!), I just rolled 'em into the woods.||Yeah, that stuff's all natural anyway.||(holding up a sign) Speed limit, one hundred and sixty-five miles per hour. See? They slipped a one in there. (laughing) Those kids with the spray paint, God love 'em.||Hey. So, keys?||No keys. And I been calling the city all day. Course there's not really a number to call if you wanna make a pothole.||I guess they leave that up to the general population.||I tell you this. If the real Phil Rizzuto was down there, this wouldn't be happening!||Hard to say.||Hey, you need some roadwork done? 'Cos I met some maintenance guys today on the highway, they could probably help you out.||Really?||Oh yeah, yeah. I borrowed some cones from them when I was sweeping my car-pool lane.||Yeah?||It's Jenna.||If you guys wouldn't mind, I would like to ward off dementia.||You think you could hook me up with these guys?||Oh yeah, yeah. Give me a ring tomorrow. I'm gonna be at emergency callbox seven-eight-four.||Seven-eight-four.||Hey.||Hi.||How you feeling?||Good. My cold's gone, and I've been looking forwards to kissing you, which I'm ready to do now, if you are ready.||What?!||Nothing. I just, I uh, I bruised my lip. I was drinking a Celray, and I brought it up too fast and I banged it into my lip, (lower voice and hurriedly) and then I knocked your toothbrush into the toilet and I wasn't able to tell you before you could use it.||What?||I'm sorry.||When were you gonna tell me this?!||Obviously never.||I need the yield sign.||Kramer, I'm kind of in the middle of something. Would you get these signs out of here, please?||You could've introduced me.||I wouldn't know where to start.||(knocking) Hey, Jenna. Hey!||There. Now something of yours has been in the toilet.||What?! Wha... what'd you put in there?||Gotta run.||Oh, man!||(into phone) Hello, Jenna, did you dunk the spatula? Was it the spatula? Hello? Dammit!||She won't even give you a hint?||No. Could be anything. The whole apartment's a biohazard.||You know what I bet it is? (points) Your remote.||Yes, that is a definite possibility.||(walking to the couch) Or, could be your walkman there.||Are you just screwing with me?||Yeah, I am.||Hey ah.||Hey, how's life on the road?||Oh, I'm making a difference Jerry.||I don't doubt it.||You should see the smiles on the drivers' faces. I mean, you gotta look quick, but they're there.||What's this?||Well, you know, those annoying little bumps on the lane-lines? (makes noise - bum, bum, bum, bum, bump)||Isn't that some kind of safety thing?||Well, I had to pull 'em up if I'm gonna widen the lanes.||What the hell are you talking about?||Ah, you know how in planes they got first class? More leg room, better ride? Well, I'm bringing that concept to mile one-fourteen.||How are you gonna widen the lanes?||Well you black out lane-lines one and three, and a four-lane highway becomes a two-lane comfort cruise. (to Jerry) So, you got any black paint?||(sarcasm) Yeah, in my toolshed, next to the riding mower.||(into phone) Yuh, I'd like an order of supreme flounder, number forty-seven. Yeah, apartment one-Q.||One-Q? Whose apartment is that?||That's the janitor closet, across the street.||You're pretending to live in a janitor's closet, just to get this flounder?||It's better than eating it alone in the restaurant, like some loser.||That stuff is unbelievable. I'd eat it out of a dumpster.||(heading to door) How do you know about it? You're not in the delivery zone.||Well, Newman uses his mail truck to run fish for China Panda on the weekends.||Well, mine's coming in ten, so... see you boys.||Now, where's that tool shed of yours?||Hi. Sorry, I didn't hear you. I was in the shower.||I'll see you.||You Costanza?||Yeah. Thanks for, thanks for coming by fellas. Eh, got a set of keys, buried in the pothole.||What're the keys doing in there?||Just need to uh, to dig 'em up.||You put 'em in there?||Nah, nah, it's uh, it's a long story. Just uh, try to get it up.||Bad place to put your keys.||Yeah, I know that. (clears throat) Could you start, working?||Difficult job. You want those keys, we're gonna have to dig this up.||(penny drops) Oh, uh, wait a minute, wait a minute. (snorts) Is this about money?||Yeah. (snorts) It's about money.||'Scuse me, what are you doing in there?||Uhm, nothing. I was just uhm... I wasn't in there.||You were hanging around in there, lazing on the job. When you shoulda been downstairs in the basement, cleaning out those old carpets and scrap wood.||Right, because... I'm the janitor. (picks teeth with fingernail)||Don't get smart with me.||(meek) Yes ma'am.||Hey, and if you're heading north on the Arthur Berkhardt, whoah Nelly, for some reason four lanes are converging into two, instantaneously right at mile-marker one-fourteen. I don't know what that is, but the A-B's a parking lot out there. Somebody screwed up on that one.||Oh it's you.||Is the flounder here yet?||No, it's not here yet. You want the tour?||(gesturing) There's this.||Nice. French doors'd really open this place up. Oh, but you have a slop-bucket.||(gleeful) The fish!||Ah, what're you doing here?||Hey.||Hey.||Oh, I was uh, I was waiting downstairs for the jackhammer, thought I'd drop by.||Kramer's guys?||Yeah. I got 'em down to fifty bucks. I just have to do all the jackhammering myself.||Oh that's nice, kind of a hard-labour fantasy camp.||Ow!||Uh, man!||Huh, yeah. (looks round) Oh, sweet setup. Elaine, d'you have any paint thinner? I need like uh, forty gallons.||I'm plumb out.||Oh man, if I don't get that black paint off the City's gonna go ape. I don't wanna lose my baby!||Janitor?||(to the guys) Uh, Mrs Allister. (louder) Yeah, uh, just coming Mrs Allister. (to guys) Okay, I've gotta get out.||Here, can you move, you gotta move from the door.||Hi, I uhm... What can I do for you?||I told you yesterday to haul that trash outta the basement.||Yeah, I am so sorry.||Some of the children have been playing near it and putting it in their mouths.||Well, a lot of it is vegetable...||Get that stuff outta there today, or you'll be outta here. Understand?||(meekly) Yes ma'am.||...stop pushing. (to Elaine) Kramer spilled ammonia.||I don't feel like eating.||(holding up a set of heavy chains) I'm gonna borrow this, huh?||(to Mrs Allister) Janitor's meeting.||So Jerry, why'd you call me?||Well, I thought it's about time we put aside all this silliness. I know now you didn't put anything in my toilet bowl. (pause) Did you?||Yes, I did.||Well, whatever. So, how've you been?||Good.||Good. (pause) Steak knife?||Just eating away at you isn't it?||Nah.||Hi.||Hi.||Hi.||Hi. Jerry, can I borrow your car?||For what?||I have to haul some dirty garbage to the dump.||Dirt? That's alright, (for Jenna's benefit) because there's nothing wrong with dirt.||Well, actually it's pretty grimy.||Grime, grease, filth, funk, ooze. Whatever it is, you take that stuff and put it right on my leather upholstery.||Well, I don't know who you are, but thanks for the car.||Sure. Bye.||Bye.||Bye.||Bye.||There, you see? I just leant her my car, and she's gonna fill it with all sorts of... (he cracks) Alright! You win! That car was my last germ-free sanctuary. I slept there last night! Now, for the love of God, please, what is it? What is it?!||Toilet brush.||Toilet brush, oh (he pulls a 'Damn, shoulda guessed!' face). Alright, I can replace that.||You wanna order dinner?||Yeah. Let's uh, go to your place. Because I, threw out all my dishes.||That's true.||Mm.||But, I'll tell you this much. I am never going to let some silly hygienic mishap get in the way of, what could be, a meaningful, long-lasting relationship.||Do you hear something?||I don't know what that could be.||Holy cow!||Anyway, I'm a new man, and I'm looking towards the future. Clean, dirty, whatever.||Holy cow! Have a nice life.||Hey, look at this. Wide lanes. This is so luxurious. Woo, yeah.||Bugger!||(sings) You're once. Twice. Three times a lady.||What the hell was that?||Double bugger!||(sings) Yes, you're once. Twice. Three times...||Aaah! Aaagh! Aah-aah. Oh, oh the humanity! Aaagh!||Hey buddy. What're you doing out here?||Man, did you see that fireball? Woo-hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo.||Hey, I gotta skedaddle. You wanna lift?||Newman! Newman!!||Well, I'll meet you at the coffee shop.|
danielle56 on 2018-03-12:
To save time. Tool booths slow down traffic enough as it is. Having to break a $20 for every third drive would make it so much worse. Also, since they natural lavender soap so much traffic, they would be prone to running out of the $1 and $5 bills they would need to make change. They would have to keep an enormous amount of cash on hand, and would create a huge mess if they ever ran out. That said, many toll stations have dedicated lanes for exact change and a separate one for credit cards or people who need change.