S09E02


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Character [Scene THOMASSOULO GEORGE THOMASSOULO GEORGE THOMASSOULO GEORGE THOMASSOULO GEORGE THOMASSOULO GEORGE [Scene JERRY GEORGE JERRY GEORGE ELAINE JERRY & GEORGE GEORGE ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY GEORGE ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY PUDDY ELAINE PUDDY JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY GEORGE ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE GEORGE JERRY GEORGE JERRY & ELAINE [Scene CLARE JERRY CLARE JERRY CLARE JERRY KRAMER JERRY CLARE KRAMER & JERRY JERRY KRAMER KRAMER JERRY KRAMER JERRY KRAMER JERRY KRAMER JERRY ELAINE KRAMER JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY KRAMER JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY KRAMER [Scene GEORGE CO-WORKER GEORGE ALLISON GEORGE GLENN GEORGE [Scene KRAMER JERRY DARREN KRAMER DARREN KRAMER JERRY KRAMER JERRY KRAMER JERRY KRAMER JERRY KRAMER JERRY KRAMER JERRY KRAMER JERRY JERRY GEORGE JERRY GEORGE JERRY GEORGE JERRY GEORGE JERRY DARREN JERRY DARREN JERRY DARREN KRAMER ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY JERRY JERRY KRAMER JERRY KRAMER [Scene ELAINE [Scene GEORGE JERRY DARREN JERRY GEORGE JERRY GEORGE GEORGE JERRY GEORGE KRAMER DARREN KRAMER GEORGE JERRY GEORGE DARREN [Scene JERRY CLARE JERRY CLARE JERRY CLARE JERRY CLARE JERRY DARREN JERRY DARREN JERRY CLARE JERRY CLARE JERRY CLARE JERRY KRAMER DARREN KRAMER JERRY KRAMER JERRY [Scene PUDDY ELAINE PUDDY ELAINE PUDDY ELAINE PUDDY ELAINE PUDDY ELAINE PUDDY ELAINE PUDDY ELAINE PUDDY ELAINE [Scene GEORGE GEORGE [Scene KRAMER DEAN JONES KRAMER DEAN JONES KRAMER DEAN JONES KRAMER DEAN JONES KRAMER DEAN JONES [Scene JERRY CLARE JERRY CLARE JERRY CLARE JERRY CLARE JERRY CLARE JERRY CLARE JERRY [Scene GEORGE JERRY GEORGE JERRY GEORGE JERRY JERRY ELAINE GEORGE ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY ELAINE JERRY GEORGE JERRY GEORGE ELAINE JERRY KRAMER JERRY KRAMER JERRY KRAMER JERRY KRAMER GEORGE [Scene KRAMER DARREN KRAMER DARREN KRAMER KRAMER DARREN KRAMER KRAMER KRAMER [Scene THOMASSOULO GEORGE THOMASSOULO GEORGE THOMASSOULO [Scene JERRY [Scene KRAMER JERRY KRAMER GEORGE KRAMER JERRY GEORGE KRAMER GEORGE JERRY GEORGE [Scene PUDDY ELAINE PUDDY [Scene ELAINE [Scene JERRY ELAINE GEORGE [Scene ELAINE [Scene JERRY [Scene ELAINE Scene ELAINE JERRY ELAINE [Scene ELAINE [Scene JERRY KRAMER JERRY GEORGE JERRY KRAMER JERRY KRAMER & GEORGE JERRY DARREN JERRY GEORGE JERRY GEORGE JERRY GEORGE KRAMER GEORGE JERRY GEORGE JERRY CLARE KRAMER JERRY GEORGE KRAMER DARREN KRAMER [Scene JERRY GEORGE JERRY GEORGE JERRY GEORGE JERRY KRAMER JERRY GEORGE KRAMER JERRY (Scene ELAINE PUDDY ELAINE
Dialogue In the Play Now office] George, youre not really handicapped, are you? Ive had my difficulties. I saw you running down Amsterdam Avenue lifting that 200 pound motorized cart with one hand. Mr. Thomassoulo during times of great stress, people are capable of super human strength. Have you ever seen the Incredible Hulk, sir? No How about the old Spider Man live action show? George, Ive realized weve signed a one-year contract with you, but at this point I think its best that we both go our separate ways. I dont understand. We dont like you. We want you to leave. Clearer At Monks Caf] So youre staying at Play Now? Why not? Pay is good. I got dental, private access to one of the great handicapped toilets in the city. But they not you arent handicapped, arent you ashamed? Theyre the ones who should be ashamed. They signed me to a one-year contract. As long as I show up for work every day, they have to pay me. Hey (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o! Hello-o-o-o Elaine! Whats that? Oh, its just this stupid thing. Well, Im sure its stupid. Its not about me, is it? (doing the voice) No-o-o-o. (doing the voice) Not at all. Tell me! All right. You know this girl Clare I am seeing? Yeah. Well, he and I starting joking that when she falls asleep her stomach stays awake all night and talks to me. How is it talking? Well, her belly button is like a mouth. (doing the voice) Im bored. Talk to me. Oh I gotta start taking these "stupid" warnings more seriously. Hey, look whose here - Puddy. My Puddy? But we broke up. And yet he continues to live. Hey Benes, How are you? Im doing great. Great. (pauses) See ya. Well, thats it. You two are back together. What? The bump into. The bump into always leads to the backslide. David and I will not be getting back together. Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You cant do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. Thats beautiful. What about you? You were even engaged, and you cut it off just like that. Thats different. I didnt have feelings for those people. But you, youll backslide You want to bet? Stakes? 50 Dollars? All right. Witness? (looks at George). Witness. Done. Percentage? No. At Jerrys apartment] So Ill call you tonight? Yeah. Whats wrong with the belt? I went to the movies last night, I went to the bathroom and I unbuckled a little wobbly and the buckle kind of banged against the side of the urinal. So(throws away belt) thats it! So, youre insane? Oh yes, quite. Hello! Of course its a sliding scale. Catch you later. (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o! (haha) (doing the voice) La la la. (doing the voice) La la la. Look at this, they are redoing the Cloud Club. Oh, that restaurant on top of the Chrysler building? Yeah, thats a good idea. Of course its a good idea, its my idea. I conceived this whole project two years ago. Which part? The renovating the restaurant you dont own part or spending the two hundred million you dont have part? You see I come up with these things, I know theyre gold, but nothing happens. You know why? No resources, no skill, no talent, no ability, no brains. (interrupts) No, notime! Its all this meaningless time. Laundry, grocery, shopping, coming in here talking to you. Do you have any idea how much time I waste in this apartment? I can ball park it. (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o! Here we go; now she comes in. Now my whole day is shot! Hey, I called you last night, where were you? (looking VERY guilty) I went out with a (fake cough) a friend. George? (looking guiltier) No, nono. Well, I was here, thats everyone (laughing). (laughing). Are those the same shoes as yesterday? Oh, you know I wear these shoes all the time. Your hair, its somewhat de-poofed. Its the new look. You know Heroin Cheek? Wait a second, whats going on here? Nothing, nothing. (screams). (screams). Youre wearing the same clothes as yesterday!!! (pauses) You saw Puddy! Hoochie moochie. (haha) Hand it over. Pay up. No! Its an isolated, sexual incident. We are not back together! Then what do you call it? People dont just bump into each other and have sex. This isnt cinemax. It was no big deal OK? I mean we fooled around, then we went out and grabbed a little dinner. Ah, dinner! Thats it, youre all the way back! Ugh! Sex, thats meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; thats heavy. Thats like an hour. (still reading the paper) Man, 2.9 percent financing on a Toyota Onedun (Sp?). That was my idea too! At Play Now] Good Morning! Go to hell! Hi Allison, thats a nice dress. Dont even look at me. Hey Glenn! Hey, go tell hell! Heard that one already. At Jerrys apartment] So thats the bedroom. Heres the bathroom. If you need to, you can familiarize yourself with the kitchenYeah, go ahead and look through some of the drawers. And you are? Oh, hey, Im Darren. Im new here. Yeah, thats Jerry, you dont have to worry about him. Why dont you go across the hall and get started on that mail. Right! Hes a go getter! Whos he? My intern from NYU. Well, you remember my corporation, Kramerica Industries. Alright. Well, apparently NYU is very enthusiastic about their students getting some real world corporate experience. But you only provide fantasy world corporate experience. Well, this will really free up my time so I can focus on more important things, like my bladder system. Alright, its time to go. Jerry, its not for people, its for oil tankers. (sarcastically) I know! You see the idea is for a rubber ball inside the tanker so if it crashes, the oil wont spill out. Actually, that is not a bad idea. (smiles) yeah. Now, its time to go. Hello (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o. (Hes sitting on the floor in his Play Now office). (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o. (pauses) So, whats going on? Siege mentality, Jerry. They really want me out of here. Theyve downgraded me to some sort of a bunker. Im like Hitlers last days here. So, are you going to leave? Oh no! Im vigilant. Theyll never get me out. Im like a weed, Jerry. I thought youre like Hitler in the bunker? Im a weed in Hitlers bunker. Im getting a little uncomfortable with the Hitler stuff. (his other line beeps) Im getting another call, see ya(answers call) Hello! Hi, this is Darren from Kramers office. Mr. Kramer would like to schedule a lunch with you at Monks coffee shop. (looking shocked) Really? When? In 10 minutes. Do you need directions? No, I dont. Well, Ill call back in 5 minutes to confirm. Yeah, 5. Hey! Hey! So, wheres my money? No money, I am Puddy free. So, are we eating or what? Oh yeah, hold on. Hello Darren, this is Jerry from Jerrys office. (Elaine is looking confused). Were going to be three for lunch. (Elaine is still looking confused) What do you mean hes already left? Hey, Elaine is going to come with us, alright? What? When did this happen? Well, just (yelling) DARREN! At Elaines apartment] I am not calling Puddy. What did I do with my gloves? Oh, I bet I left them over at Puddys. I should call him. I need those gloves. No, I better not. Ill call. (looks at table) Oh, look at that! There are the gloves. I was just about to call. There they are. Thats funny. Thats really funny. Thats really really funny. You know who loves funny stories, David Puddy. (Picks up phone). At Monks Cafe] Well, Play Now is through playing. They turned the heat way up in my office. They tried to sweat me out. Do you have to write all this stuff down. Well, Mr. Kramer is in a meeting with Mr. Lohmase and he didnt want to miss anything. So, how hot did it get? I dont know, 120, 130Then they sent some guys to sandblast for 6 hours. Tomorrow they are putting in asbestos. I guess you can take anything, but actual work. Bring it on! (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o Kramer! (doing the voice) Wel-l-l-c-o-m-e! (doing the voice) La la la. Sorry I couldnt get out of there, what did I miss? (asking his "intern") Well, after ordering, Mr. Seinfeld and Mr. Costanza debated on whether or not iron man wore some sort under garment between his skin and his iron suit Uh huh (Interrupts) And I still say hes naked under there! Oh that makes a lot of sense. Oh, shut up! Then Mr. Seinfeld went to the restroom, at which point Mr. Costanza scooped ice out of Mr. Seinfelds drink with his bare hands using it to wash up (Jerry is taking a sip of water and looking mad) then Mr. Costanza remarked to me, "This never happened." (Jerry then spits out the water). At Jerrys apartment in his bed] (giggling) Whats so funny? Oh, nothing. (still giggling) What are you laughing about? Tell me. Oh all right, this is really dumb, really stupid. Weve been doing this silly, dumb voice. So is it fun humiliating me? No, its not you. Its your stomach, hes taking with this funny, booming, jovial voice. (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o. So you think Im fat? No its Mr. Kramer says, "hey buddy!" Hey, were kind of in the middle of something here. Would you mind coming back later? Oh yeah sure, sure. Should we set something up now? (Screams) GET OUT! Im leaving too. No body said youre fat. Hes a loving character, like the Kool-ade guy. He is fat! No, hes just a little bloated. Good-bye! Its mostly water weight. Boysenberry, the kid is still learning. Mr. KramerDean, my internship is on line two, she wants to set up a meeting. Yeah, well nothing before noon. Line two? Yeah, your phone is line one. Oh At Elaines apartment] So the gloves were right by the phone. That is pretty funny. See, this is what Jerrys doesnt understand. We can see each other. We can see each other every day, but it doesnt mean we are back together. I mean I love just seeing you and having sex. Yeah. Not having to do all thatyou knowwork. Well, either way All that calling you, and buying you stuff David Caring about how everyone at work isnt as smart as you. Its brutal. Alright thats it! Were back together! Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Look Elaine, be reasonable. Get those clothes off. Youre going to spend the night and were going to cuddle. What? You heard me. Strip! At Play Now] (whistling).(laughing).AlrightOK. (on phone calling secretary) Hello Margery, George Costanza. How are you sweet heart? Listen, can you give Mr. Thomassoulo a message for me? Yes. If he needs me, tell him (screams) IM IN MY OFFICE! Thanks. At NYU] Dean Jones, you wanting to talk to me? Ive been reviewing Darrens internship journal. Doing laundry Yeah. Mending chicken wire, hi-tea with a Mr. Newman. I know it sounds pretty glamorous, but its business as usual at Kramerica. As far as I can tell your entire enterprise is more than a solitary man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken. And with Darrens help, well get that chicken. Im sorry, but we cant allow Darren to continue working with you. Well, I have to say this seems capricious and arbitrary. You fly is open. At Jerrys apartment] So youre sure youre not still angry about last night? No, Im fine. Just as long as you dont ever do that voice again. Never? Never. What about if youre not around? No! So I have to choose between seeing you and doing the voice? Thats right. I can do that. So whats your decision? I dont know. JerryHI. (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o. La-la-la. (haha) At Jerrys apartment] You broke up with her? Why? So we could do the voice. (doing the voice) La-la-la. Whats the matter? I think Im getting tired of it. I mean is that all it does? Hello? La-la-la? No, it can do anything. It can be Spanish. (doing the voice) Hola. Hello-o-o-o. I think I like the girl better than the voice. Really? (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o. Still? I told you. Alright, here you go, choke on it (hands him money). See, never bet against the backslide. I knew you two would get back together. Yeah, well not for long. Im breaking up with him. No, I dont think so. Ive seen you two together. You make each other miserable. Its kismet. Double or nothing. Done. (talking from bathroom) Witness? Youre in there again. I think Play Now is putting something in my food. Alright, Im out of here. What is this? (Kramer is wearing jeans that look like it doesnt fit him). I dont know. I found them in your closet. Ever since Darren left I havent been able to find anything. He took all my clothes to some cleaners. Im clueless. (looks at clock) Is that clock right? Yeah. Nine oclock. I was supposed to pick up Newman at the zoo twelve hours ago. (doing the voice) Good-bye Kramer. Jerry, buddy, I got to tell you something. That voice is played. Really? So played. I told you. Hallway, Darren is knocking on Kramers door] Darren? What are you doing here? The college canceled the internship. I dont care about the internship. I care about Kramerica. Kramerica is no more. What about the oil tanker bladder system? We were going to put an end to maritime oil spills. Probably. Darren, you go home. Forget about Kramerica. Well, youre still here? I havent had time to leave. Well, I havent changed my mind. Well, you are a tenacious little monkey. Alright, Ill do it. Kramerica industries lives! Lets get back to work! Lets see what Jerry has to eat. At Play Now in the bosses office] You win George. Weve had it. If you leave right now, Play Now will give you six months pay. Thats half of your entire contract. Pleasejust go. You see if I stay the whole year, I get it all. Want to play hand ball huh? Fine. (calls on intercom) Attention Play Now employees, George Costanzas handicapped bathroom is now open on the sixteenth floor to all employees and their families. Well played. Ill see you in hell Costanza. At Jerrys apartment] (on the phone with Clare) Clare thanks for giving me a second chance. Our relationship is certainly worth more than some silly, stupid voice. Hold on one second. (George walks in Jerry asks George) So we definitely dont want to do the voice anymore? (George shakes his head NO) Alright, were back together again, great. Bye bye. Hallway Kramer & Darren are pushing an oil tank] Hey. Trouble down at the plant? Its a tank of oil. Darren and I are finally going to test out my bladder system. You have to drink that whole thing? No. No. No. Its for oil tankers. All I need to do is fill some sort of rubber container with oil and then drop it to see whether or not it can restrain the impact. I understand (not really understanding, lol). Would a giant rubber ball work? Conceivably. Well, Play Now has all kinds of different rubber balls. Why dont we test your bladder system at my office? Youre not Oh, yes I am. Mr. Thomassoulo likes to play dirty. Well, theres nothing dirtier than a giant ball of oil. At Monks Cafe] Hey, you want to split a root beer (I think thats what he says)? I dont think so David, were through. OhThats a nice sweater (Elaine smiles). At Elaines house the two are in bed] Whew that was a dozy. At Jerrys apartment] Go again? Book it. (again from bathroom) Witness. At Elaines apartment] David I know this hurts, but its the way it has to be (Puddy is giving her a look like hes going to still get some). At Jerrys apartment] Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Jerry and Elaine at the movies] Im going to get some popcorn. At Jerrys apartment] So, how did it end? They got away. uh. At Elaines apartment] Listen David, Ive got to run. Can you lend me fifty bucks? At Play Now] Hey. Did you bring the video camera? Yeah, I put a six hour tape in. That should cover the experiment, the arrest, and most of your trial. Alright, Ill see ya. Oh, you might want to stick around Jerry. Mr. Thomassoulo picked the wrong man to hire because he was fake handicapped. I cant. I got to meet Clare. You gave up the voice? Yeah, I thought it was stupid. Unless you guys are liking it again. No. No Darren? Sorry Mr. Seinfeld. Uh, bathroom. Hey, use mine. Ill let you in. I thought it was open to the public. I uh, took care of that. Wow! Zanadu . No wonder youre putting in so many hours. (looks at urinal) May I? I insist. Ill fix us a drink. (phone rings who would that be?) I got it. Whew. You know Darren, if you would have told me twenty-five years ago that some day Id be standing here about to solve the worlds energy problems, I wouldve said youre crazy Now lets push this giant ball of oil out the window. So, check out my view. Wow! Hey, theres Clare. I better go down. Hey, theres Kramer & Darren. Theres the giant ball of oil. Clares right underneath that thing. Clare! Hello-o-o-o! Hello-o-o-o! Hello-o-o-o! I dont believe this. I am not looking up if youre going to do that voice. Bombs away (Uh oh). This is going to be a shame. Hello. Well, that didnt work. Hey, how about thisketchup and mustard in the same bottle? Oh that sounds interesting sir. Yeah. At Monks Caf] Clare won her lawsuit against Play Now. Gee, Play Now is filing for bankruptcy. I guess youre not going in anymore. Yeah. So theyre not paying you your No. So youre pretty much Yeah. What ever happened to Darren? Darren is going away for a long long time. So Clare sure looked real funny covered in oil like that (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o I got beamed with a giant ball of oil (doing the voice) Im slippery as an eel (doing the voice) La la la. Im just so glad its back. At Elaines apartment in bed with Puddy AGAIN) See, this is good. This is the way it should be. You know why are we fooling ourselves. We belong together. ELAINE I want to break up. Ah nuts!
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