||Careful, this plate is extremely hot.
||Thank you. Ow!
||I just told you it was hot. Why'd you touch it?
||I just wanted to know what your idea of 'hot' is.
||Hey, babe. You ready to hit the ice?
||I am ready to skate up a-- ha, ha, ha...Why are you wearing that?
||It's my winter coat.
||Is there a problem?
||A seemingly infinite supply.
||Ow! Careful, it's hot.
||So, Puddy wear's a man fur?
||He was struttin' around the coffee shop like Stein Erickson.
||And, of course, you find fur morally reprehensible.
||Eh, anti-fur. I mean, who has the energy anymore? This is more about hanging off the arm of an idiot.
||And this is the first you're seeing of the coat?
||We never dated in winter.
||You might want to get a look at that bathing suit drawer.
||Oh, I walked by Bloomingdale's the other day, and I saw that massage chair we want to get Joe Mayo as an apartment gift.
||An apartment-warming gift? We got to give presents to people for moving? Birthdays, Christmas, it's enough gifts. I would like one month off.
||Kramer said it's a perfect gift. That's what we're gettin' him.
||All right, but we're not buyin' it at Bloomingdale's. I will buy it, you pay me back later. I'll sniff out a deal. I have a sixth sense.
||Cheapness is not a sense.
||I can't stand Joe Mayo's parties. You know, the second you walk in, he's got you workin' for him. 'Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you keep an eye on the ice, make sure we have enough?' Uh...
||I had a great time at the last one. I was in charge of the music. I turned that mother out.
||You got any pliers?
||What, has Newman got another army man stuck in his ear?
||Newman and I are reversing the peepholes on our door. So you can see in.
||To prevent an ambush.
||Yeah, so now I can peek to see if anyone is waiting to jack me with a sock full of pennies.
||But then anyone can just look in and see you.
||Our policy is, we're comfortable with our bodies. You know, if someone wants to help themselves to an eyefull, well, we say, 'Enjoy the show.'
||I'm sorry I can't stay for the... second act.
||Hey, George. Here's the model number on that chair, by the way.
||Mmm... Nice wallet.
||Nobody carries wallets anymore. I mean, they went out with powdered wigs. Yeah, see here's what you need. Just a couple of cards and your bankroll. See, keep the big bills on the outside.
||That's a five.
||I'm on the Mexican, whoa ohh, radio...
||Eh, what are you doing?
||Hey, Silvio. Yeah, I'm reversing my peephole.
||Hey, you know you gotta get permission from me. I'm the super. Who said you could do that?
||Well, who says I can do any of the things I do in my place?
||Well, I... uh, nothing. No, I'll, um, I'll switch it back.
||No, no, no, no. No, that's all right.
||Well, that's good. Because, uh, Newman and I--
||Newman? He did this, too?
||I deal with him.
||Hey, look at this. This is the same massage chair we're gettin' for Joe Mayo, $60 cheaper.
||Except the store's in Delaware.
||I'll have 'em overnight it.
||Maybe cheapness is a sense. You know it is better without this big wallet. It's more comfortable.
||It doesn't matter if it's more comfortable. It's wrong.
||Because important things go in a case. You got a skull for your brain, a plastic sleeve for your comb, and a wallet for your money.
||But look at this thing. It's-it's huge. You got more cow here than here.
||I need everything in there.
||I might go there.
||Show this card at any participating Orlando-area Exxon station...to get your free 'Save the Tiger' poster.
||All right, just gimme that. And gimme some of those Sweet & Lows.
||Who is it?
||What do you want? I'm in the middle of something.
||I can't believe I'm being evicted.
||What? What are you talking about?
||The reverse peepholes. Silvio said I'm an agitator and I'm out of the building.
||No. No, he can't do that.
||I'm homeless! I'm gonna be out on a street corner, dancing for nickels. I'll be with the hobos in the trainyard, eating out of a bucket.
||Come on, we'll go and talk to him, and we'll straighten this thing out.
||Uh, you, uh, you better put something on.
||George, I am loving this no wallet thing.
||A man carries a wallet.
||You know, the very fact that you oppose this makes me think I'm onto something.
||Hey, Joe Mayo. Nice place.
||Thanks. George, can you do me a favor and stay by the phone in case anybody calls and needs directions?
||Actually, can you keep an eye on the aquarium and make sure nobody taps on the glass?
||But I could do that and the music.
||Oh, no, don't worry about the music. Just... have fun!
||I was ready to get jiggy with it.
||Hey. I think you know Dr... Zaius.
||So, Elaine, notice anything different about my... pants?
||So, George... did you get the chair?
||No, I don't have it yet.
||So, we're givin' him nothing?
||No, I brought a picture of the chair.
||Did you at least get him a card?
||I thought we'd all sign the picture.
||Hey, Joe Mayo.
||I need you to be in charge of coats.
||And Puddy, can you make sure no one puts a drink on my...sound system?
||Sure thing, Joe Mayo.
||Hi, I'm Jerry. How do you like my pants?
||(talking to George) It's working. (to the girl, who's tapping on the aquarium) Don't tap on the glass.
||(answering the phone while walking away) Joe Mayo's apartment?
||(standing guard by the stereo as George walks by him) Hey! Cocktail off the speaker.
||Goodbye, Dr. Zaius.
||Why are we in Jerry's apartment?
||Well, I, uh, I like to think of this as my conference room. Yeah, it has a more formal atmosphere, you know, with the shelves, and the furniture.
||Make it quick Kramer, my wife and I are about to go bowling.
||Oh, well, um, Newman thinks that you, uh, evicted him?
||I did. I don't like Mr. Newman. He is an agitator.
||Look... I've known Newman all my life, in the building, and you're all wrong about him. He's a model tenant. Portly, yes, but smart as a whip.
||OK, on your word he can stay.
||But... I'm gonna keep my eye on him.
||Well, you won't regret it.
||Elaine, thanks for coming.
||Good working with you.
||All right, let's hit the bricks.
||Hey, I got a coat just like this!
||So Joe Mayo had the same coat.
||And you threw it out the window?
||God, you're like a rock star.
||So now Joe Mayo wants me to buy him a new coat.
||Because you threw it out.
||No, because I was in charge of the coats. It's... insane.
||But you did actually throw his coat out the window.
||But he doesn't know that. As far as he knows, somebody stole it, and that's the person who should be responsible.
||But that's you.
||So I guess I'll have to buy him a new coat, even though I don't think I should be held responsible, which I am anyway.
||Well, I'm satisfied. Uh...my back is...killing me.
||Of course. Because of that wallet. You-you got a filing cabinet under half of your ass.
||This...is an organizer, a secretary, and a friend.
||Look at you. You're on a slant.
||Here, just give me a couple of napkins.
||There, there I'm fine.
||What was that?
||I think I had some hard candy in there.
||No, no, this is supposed to go to Joe Mayo's apartment.
||Ahhh. How does this thing work?
||Sir, do you want me to deliver this to your friend's place or not?
||Ready to go?
||All set. I can't believe I'm going dancing.
||You don't go that often?
||No, because it's so stupid. Shall we?
||Do me a favor. Can you hold this stuff for me?
||Compact, lipstick, all this?
||And can you help to carry my keys?
||What are you, a medieval dungeon master?
||And a tin of altoids.
||Ow! Sharp key.
||So, you're sleeping with Silvio's wife?
||Well, there's very little sleeping going on.
||Well, why didn't you tell me about this?
||Quite frankly, I don't see how it's any of your business.
||Well, it's my business now. Look, I stuck up for you. Man, if he catches you, we're both out.
||Hey, what is that up that tree?
||Hoooh! Man, that looks like a dead bear.
||No, that's a fur coat! Hey, uh, give me a boost.
||Man, where did you learn to climb trees like that?
||The Pacific Northwest.
||So, you had to carry some of Keri's stuff. Big deal.
||You don't understand. I went on a successful pocket diet, and I want to keep that weight off.
||You know what? We sell this thing at Peterman that would be perfect for you.
||Not more of that crap from the Titanic?
||No. No. It's a small men's carryall.
||I'm not carrying a purse.
||It's not a purse. It's European.
||Hey, did George buy Joe Mayo that chair yet?
||I don't know.
||If I'm gettin' him a new fur, I'm not chippin' in on a gift, too.
||Hey, George, did you get Joe Mayo that chair yet?
||Not yet. Oh! Ho ho! God...
||It's in... transit.
||Did he get it?
||Mmm, good. Tell him I'm out.
||(hearing Elaine over the phone) What, she's out?
||Well, so what? You're gettin' a deal, right? We'll split it three ways.
||What is that noise?
||(hangs up the phone) That's my toaster. I got to go. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!
||You know, sometimes I get the feeling George isn't being completely honest with me.
||Hey. Oh, uh, yeah. Uh, here are your pliers back....Weak hinge.
||Well, I guess I better go and price fur coats.
||Oh, go down to 88th Street. They're free.
||What are you talking about?
||Well, they're hanging from the trees. You know, Newman found one there yesterday. Man, that guy can climb like a ring-tailed lemur!
||88th Street? That's where Joe Mayo lives. That's the coat!
||What was that pop sound?
||Well, I had some hard candy in there.
||So, to what do I owe this unusual invitation?
||Come in, come in.
||Ahh! This is very much as I imagined it to be. Aside from this rattan piece, which seems oddly out of place.
||Please, sit down. Newman, um, I wanted to talk to you about something.
||This isn't about my opening your mail?
||Because I don't, never have, anything I read was already open.
||Uh, yeah, uh, no. Newman, uh, I heard that you found a fur coat in a tree. And, I believe that it belongs to a friend of mine, and I'd like to give it back to him.
||Sorry. Climbers, keepers.
||You know, Newmie. Um, I know how you feel about me, and I have to tell you, I'm quite flattered.
||Oh, yeah. I mean, of all the men that I know, you're the only one who's held down a steady job for several years.
||Well, it's-it's interesting work, I don't mind it.
||Ha ha ha ha.
||Don't you have a-a boyfriend? A, uh, burly, athletic type?
||Uh, don't worry, he's cool.
||Very cool. So, what do you say? Can you do this one little favor, Newmie?
||Oh, how I've waited for this moment. But alas, my heart belongs to another man's wife, and I have given the coat to her.
||All right, we're done here.
||For I am in love with Svetlana, and I don't care if the whole world knows, except for Silvio, who would throw me out of the apartment, where I would be dancing on the sidewalk--
||Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.
||Do you still have my lipstick?
||Uh, yeah, I think I do. I can never find anything in here. Ah, here it is. So, that Joe Mayo throws the worst parties, doesn't he? So what was your job?
||My job was to keep you away from the music.
||What, he doesn't like my taste in music?
||You should've been there last year. I got jiggy with it!
||Kramer! It's Silvio! Open up, I need to talk to you! I can see you through the reverse peephole.
||Look at this.
||Svetlana says she find it in the laundry room, but I think it is a gift from that postman agitator. Where is he?
||No, that's it. You're both out of the building!
||Oh, come on! Hey, Newman didn't even give her that! No, that's not even a woman's coat. It's a man's!
||What kind of a man would wear fur?
||Oh, lots of 'em.
||What about Jerry?
||Yeah, sure, he's a celebrity. Oh, yeah, they wear a lot of furs. They're desperate, insecure people.
||Yes, you are right. It's all about, me, me, me. Please, look at me! I am so pretty! Love me! Want me!
||Yeah, something like that.
||I have to do what?
||All you have to do is wear the fur so Silvio thinks it's yours.
||I'm not wearing the fur.
||Well, then, Newman and I, we get thrown out of the building.
||Is that right?
||All right, why don't you just take a good, hard look at what your life will be like if I'm not around?
||Oh, come on, man! Well, I'll tell you what, if you do this, I'll give you that walkman you're always asking about.
||That's my walkman!
||And you'll get it back.
||All right. Good, thanks, I owe you one.
||Oh, hey, and by the way, uh, that walkman was broke when you gave it to me.
||George, did you get that chair yet?
||It gets here when it gets here. Would you stop ridin' me?
||You know what? Just call up and cancel it. I'm out.
||Joe Mayo doesn't like my taste in music. He's not gettin' a gift from me.
||Oh, I can't believe you're dropping out, too. So now Kramer and I have to pay for the entire gift?
||Whoa, whoa. Now, who's this Joe Mayo everyone's talking about?
||He's the guy we're the buying the chair for, remember? It was your suggestion.
||I think the chair is a fantastic gift idea. But I never heard of this Joe Mayo. And frankly, it sounds made up.
||Oh, so now I have to buy this whole chair by myself?
||No, you don't have to buy anything.
||I already bought it! I've been lyin' to you for three days, and now you're all screwin' me!
||I don't understand. Why didn't you tell us you had it?
||I needed it! My back is... a little tweaked.
||Because of your giant wallet. Just get rid of it!
||Never! It is a part of me. I will just return the chair, and it will be easy, because the receipt is in my good friend.
||Your good friend is morbidly obese.
||Well, at least, I'm not carrying a purse.
||It's not a purse. It's European!
||All right, Silvio's down there. He's shoveling the walk. Now, all you gotta do is put this on, you go down to the corner, you pick up a paper, and you come right back.
||There you go.
||How do I look?
||Learn guitar, first lesson free? Huh.
||My receipts! The chair! My tiger poster!
||Hey, Silvio, just out for a little stroll in my favorite fur coat.
||That is your coat?
||It sure is.
||Kramer says you need it because you're an entertainer and you're desperate for attention.
||Jerry, you forgot your purse.
||Hey, Silvio, look at Jerry here, prancing around in his coat with his purse. Yup, he's a dandy. He's a real fancy boy.
||Maybe this isn't my coat.
||All right, you're not fancy!
||No, he's very fancy! Want me, love me! Shower me with kisses!
||Jerry, where'd you get it? That's his coat.
||No, it's not. It's mine. I'm a fancy boy.
||No, that's not your coat.
||If that is not his coat, whose coat is it?
||It's Joe Mayo's coat.
||Who's Joe Mayo?
||That must be the man that's sleeping with your wife.
||Hey! Officer! Someone took my European carryall!
||The...black, leather...thing with a strap.
||You mean a purse?
||Yes, a purse. I carry a purse!
||So, Silvio ambushed Joe Mayo?
||Yeah, he was waitin' inside his apartment for him with a sock full of pennies.
||He should have had a reverse peephole.
||What is that?
||It's my new coat.
||You ditched the fur?
||Yeah, I saw Jerry wearing his. He looked like a bit of a dandy. Check it out! 8-Ball! You got a question, you ask the 8-Ball.
||You're gonna wear this all the time?
||All signs point to 'Yes!'